Late last week, I got a brain wave (see title above) while watching a Hallmark movie. Suddenly, I realised that I’m stuck in 4 of the 5 DABDA stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression while being unable to reach stage 5: Acceptance. The similarity with my mother (91) is striking.
Subsequently, I realised that Hope might be the flipside of DABDA. That coin itself would be called Change. To some extent, the flip sides also relate to negativity (eg, Doubt, Fear) and positivity (eg, Hope, Love).
Perhaps, being stuck in those 4 DABDA stages may also explain why I’m “stuck” in Doubt and Hope (ie, Ratio) rather than Fear and Love (ie, Emotions).
Fortunately, my mother has reached stage 5 Acceptance by now, although she – occasionally – has a relapse to stage 3 Bargaining (eg, my August 5 blog), and wants to leave her care home ASAP (ie, my July 25 blog).
Perhaps, this blog will become my tool in reaching stage 5 Acceptance.
Actually, I was quite hesitant sharing this blog. However, a friend told me that many people have this similar fear: will I remain alone in life?
Slowly, it dawned upon me that several former girlfriends had – indeed – shared this fear with me. Hence, I decided to share my blog with you. This blog offers no solution. Nevertheless, sharing this with you might help you in realising that you are far from alone.
Google AI Overview: it’s “a common feeling stemming from our innate need for social connection and security“. Note LO: markings in quote by me. Hence, our/this fear relates to level 2 + 3 in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
I received several interesting comments on the draft version of this blog:
- “I think we always have been and always will be. We do have people around us who travel with us for a period of time, but in reality we are alone”
- “The fear of lifelong loneliness is something many people relate to and you present it in a reflective, non-dramatic way.”
- “I don’t accept being that you will alone in life. Being alone is a choice.. Even if you have acceptance about being alone … that doesn’t mean the right someone won’t come along ..”
Last but certainly not least: the word alone has two meanings:
- loneliness, which is a negative emotional feeling, OR
- solitude, which is a positive rational state of mind.
I prefer solitude and dislike loneliness.
The quote below summarises the above:
“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
A quote by Bianca Sparacino, a Canadian writer
Don’t Give Up (1986) by Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
artist-PG, artist-KB, lyrics, video, Wiki-PG, Wiki-KB, Wiki-song
[Chorus: Kate Bush]
Don’t give up ’cause you have friends
Don’t give up, you’re not beaten yet
Don’t give up, I know you can make it good
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.
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