My question (above) looks simple. Sometimes, it actually is indeed. More often, my question is not simple because help is not always welcome. Helping someone creates an IOU. Accepting help suggests having a weakness. Offering help suggests you’re a know-it-all. Help is complex.
In my view, help is about:
- Deeds, Words & Intentions (eg, words of comfort, good intentions);
- Focus vs Perspective (eg, broadening a narrow focus into a bigger perspective);
- How, What, When, Where, Who (eg, location, timing, tools);
- Why (eg, true intentions).
The above list is probably a reason for not offering immediate help. Seeing people struggle is a good reason for offering help. Acceptance is still far from sure. Sometimes, offering help comes with the expectation of denial. In such cases, acceptance will result in surprise. Help is complex.
In last week’s blog, Emigration has become a “No”, my advice (ie, words) was ignored as she bought a house instead of renting one. Her homesickness became a dilemma because an I told you so felt (very) inappropriate. Perhaps, my sound advice caused a deterioration in our friendship.
In the early 1990s, I wanted to buy an apartment in Amsterdam Oud-Zuid. That never happened as I listened to unwelcome advice. Today, my son is considering the very same. I understand his view. Still, I’m urging him to expand his (narrow) perspective. My advice might also be unwelcome.
The statement “unwelcome advice is the best advice” is a paradox. While unsolicited advice is often perceived negatively, it can sometimes offer valuable perspectives or insights that might not be readily apparent. However, the impact of such advice depends heavily on the context and the way it is delivered.
Source: Google AI-summary
I do hope that my unsolicited advice will – ultimately – be welcome.
“Unsolicited advice! Hmm, we hate them almost as a rule, ignore them to pamper our self-esteem (ego), get annoyed as if a bundle of garbage is thrown into our mind, and so on.
But, sometimes, these sort of advice comes as a boon, as a blessing.., too. Hence, we should choose wisely, what to do with them, and how to treat them.”Abhijit Mazumdar, setarist (source)
Help Yourself (1976) by Joan Armatrading
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-album+song
Need someone to help me
But not you, you’re not ready
Seems you have trouble helping yourself
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.
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