Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Closure comes with a price

Last week, I finally received closure with someone. I lost my anger with that person but gained (brief) sadness. For me, that sadness relates to losing Hope. It’s over now. In other situations, the price of closure may relate to Doubt, Fear or Love. Hence, my blog title: Closure comes with a price.

In my view, I wasn’t looking for closure. I was looking to protect myself from making another mistake with that person. I suppose my view would still match the definition of closure: “an individual’s desire for a clear, firm answer or peaceful resolution to a question or problem to avert ambiguity”.

My thoughts on closure are related to a TED Talk by Nancy Berns: Beyond Closure. In her view, closure does not exist. Drake University sociologist Nancy Berns mentions a transition from grief to eternal Love. In my view, closure might be a transition within the cycle of Doubt, Fear, Hope & Love.

People often want us to stop thinking (eg, grieving) about someone or something (eg, > 2 years). Often, someone’s grief makes others feel uncomfortable. They appear to assume that stopping is possible. The 2012 TED Talk is very clear: we cannot force our minds to stop thinking (about grief).

I’m willing to pay that price because the long-term benefits of closure exceed the potential short-term upside of non-closure. As usual, all of our choices are (ultimately) rooted in a risk-reward analysis. Establishing our priorities (for making a choice) takes the most of our time.

I doubt that I will come to regret my choice and feel remorse. For a brief moment, I felt guilt and shame but only for my way of reaching that closure. Then it became clear to me that the other person should feel such feelings. It’s over.

“Everything comes with a price. Everything. Some things just cost more than others.”

A quote by American fantasy writer Gerald Brom a.k.a. Brom (b.1965)

It’s Over (1987) by Level 42
band, lyrics, video, Wiki-band, Wiki-song

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.

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