I could blame my coffee machine that broke down after some 10+ years of service. I could blame our rainy summer weather. I doubt it’s about coffee or sunshine. I suppose it’s far deeper. A recent road trip to Germany lifted my spirits. A lack of hotel sleep made matters worse, however.
Actually, I do not (yet) know my reason(s) for feeling listless and bored. As a result, I have lost my urge for writing. Today, I’m making an exception. Writing about the things that are bugging me, usually helps me to get over them. It’s my tried, tested and proven solution.
I’ve considered a formal notification that my brain is on vacation but I waived that thought. Usually, my inspiration returns quickly. This time feels different. I do not believe that I have nothing left to write about. To the contrary even because my list of possible blog topics is still expanding.
I suppose my listlessness relates to the cycle of Doubt, Fear, Hope & Love and in particular hope – this time. I still wonder about the object and/or subject of my hope. I have to restrain myself from buying new stuff (ie, objects), although a new coffee machine is very high on my list.
I have considered whether the dark side might be closing in on me – again. Rest assured: it’s not. I do know that it’s always lurking and murking somewhere around me. I have a tried, tested and proven solution against it: my faith.
Possibly, my (lack of) hope is with respect to a person or persons (ie, subjects). In that case, I have “to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. That quote is from the Serenity Prayer by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr.
Possibly, my boredom will enhance my curiosity and result in a breakthrough in my thinking. It has happened before. Frankly, I doubt it will this time.
The Occam’s razor principle (eg, “the simplest explanation is usually the best one”) would, however, suggest that I’m suffering from a seasonal affective disorder, which is “a mood disorder [] commonly, but not always, associated with the reductions in total daily sunlight hours [].”
Listless. (2022) by Ben Zaidi
AllMusic, artist, lyrics, video, no Wikipedia
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.
I can relate to this as I have suffered from depression for year and even had a breakdown. I stay inside majority of my life, away from everyone Sometimes, I question whether or not it’s really behind me because I too find myself restless, bored and then comes anxiety. This article has given me a new outlook on my state of mind(I’m not crazy)and to go even further to work on myself for self preserverasion. Thank you for trigger my thoughts!!
Thanks for sharing, Lavania !
Perhaps, I underestimated the impact of my lack of (hotel) sleep.
FYI: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-just-one-sleepless-night-makes-people-emotionally-fragile/