For quite some time, I’ve been struggling with the thought above. Perhaps, the ultimate conclusion is that I do not belong here. There is no match on several criteria. Some five years ago, I considered my then-imminent relocation as temporary, before hopping abroad (eg, Italy).
For several months, I have been resisting the idea of going back to my roots (below). I do like it here. Nevertheless, I’m no longer sure if that is enough. Actually, I do not even like the thought of going back. Still, I’m considering it. Why is a good question. Everything follows Why.
While making my routine walk through the forest, I realised that the why is a conflict between my rational arguments (eg, my April 24 blog) and my emotions. Basically, my emotion says that I don’t belong here (eg, song). I have little doubt about the outcome of my head and heart conflict.
My age (63) must be relevant in the above. My mother (88) confirmed my line of thought. In her view, I have never settled here because I did not grow up there. I suppose she has a valid point. I did settle before. Why not now? This time, I’m alone without anchors (eg, relationship, work).
I do not believe in the song Wherever I Lay My Hat That’s My Home (1962) by Marvin Gaye, and later by Paul Young (eg, 1983, audio). I need (much) more, like birds, flowers, tranquility, trees, and water. In 1964, Burt Bacharach and Hal David wrote the song: A House is Not a Home. The question is: where is my home?
For many people, their roots provides their home. Is going back to my roots a solution? No and I’m glad there’s (still) no urgency in making a choice. For the moment, I’m still prioritizing.
A Belgian friend replied by saying this: “You’ve been thinking long about that, haven’t you? I would say follow your heart……. But even that heart is in doubt, I suppose.” She is right. She knows me well.
The ultimate answer is (probably) this: wherever I lay my Heart – that’s my Home (eg, link).
Going Back to My Roots (1977) by Odyssey (1981)
band, lyrics, video, Wiki-band, Wiki-song
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.
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