Late March, I published my blog: If you can’t win the game, change the rules. Recently, I considered entering into a game following an opportunity. I did not like the rules of that game and decided not to participate. Hence, my blog title: If you don’t like the rules, change the game.
Strictly speaking, my game comes with an immense downside: losing it all. I’m not convinced of that though. My analysis is different. In my view, the upside and downside are similar in both scenarios (ie, risk-reward). However, I’m still questioning my risk appetite and my risk management.
Why did I decide not to participate?
To use a 1984 Thomas Dolby song: I scare myself (eg, album, video). I know myself quite well and (thus) prefer to stay out of the limelight. Too much attention is not good for me (eg, HSP). My writing is about my message; not about me. My aim is helping others – and indirectly – myself.
I could blame my burnout and subsequent 18 month depression. However, that argument would hardly be relevant today. With hindsight, my 2013 burnout was a blessing (albeit in disguise) because I was able to reinvent myself, including my choices and priorities in life.
Why do I scare myself?
I suppose that I fear the warrior inside me. Also see my blogs on anger management (eg, 2016, 2021, 2022).
He could lash out to some people who deserve it – in my view.
I do not want those situations to occur.
Hence, I’m protecting them through protecting myself.
Most of all, I’m protecting myself from that warrior inside me.
To quote author Randolph J Intindola:
“The fiercest warriors, do not carry a sword to the battlefield; instead, they are armed with wisdom.”
Wisdom is a good enough argument for me.
Am I Losing You Forever (1985) by Mai Tai
band, lyrics, video, Wiki-band, Wiki-song
It seems like yesterday you came into my life
And I began to see a little bit of life
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.
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