Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The people we love the most can hurt us the most

A friend says that she envies me for protecting my heart so well. Indeed, it seems that I’m not hurt by the one(s) whom I love the most. Late 2010, I decided to stop my heart from bleeding by building an imaginary sarcophagus around it. Most of the year, it indeed helps me soldiering on.

My friend is slowly copying my solution because she fears that the hurting will devastate her. I know what she means and agree with her conclusion. It’s still difficult for her to avoid the ones who hurt her so much. Slowly, I’m mastering to avoid the ones who hurt me (eg, my recent blog).

Actually, I’ve lost my expectation that the situation will ever improve. I’m not losing hope though; also see my recent blog. Several months ago, I attended a funeral at which a son spoke ill of his deceased father (and my friend). I was flabbergasted. I suppose that event changed my outlook.

Many articles are about the reverse of my blog title: why do we hurt the ones we love the most (eg, example-1, example-2). Another article, The 9 Most Common Reasons People Hurt The Ones They Love Most, covers both perspectives:

  1. You Don’t Realize What You Are Doing
  2. A History of Trauma
  3. Poor Communication Skills
  4. Fear of Rejection
  5. To Protect Yourself

6. You Worry About Your Partner’s True Feelings
7. You Resent Their Accomplishments
8. Unrealistic Expectations
9. You Seek Control

For the sake of privacy, I will not elaborate on the nine reasons above.

In my view, I’ve used every possible tactic to find a solution. My tactics would equal bargaining, stage 3 in the Kübler-Ross model of processing grief.

As of a certain age, the passing of time is like a wake-up call. It makes me / you realize that there may not even be enough time left. That leaves only one solution: I must accept the things I cannot change (eg, Wiki). This equals the 5th and final stage in the Kübler-Ross model: acceptance.

That acceptance will hurtagain.

“Well, sometimes the people we love the most can hurt us the most.”

A quote from the book Monday’s Not Coming (2019) by Tiffany D. Jackson

Only Love Can Hurt Like This (2014) by Paloma Faith
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-song

[Verse 1]
I tell myself you don’t mean a thing
And what we got got no hold on me
But when you’re not there I just crumble

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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