Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The power of sex

13 October 2022


Recently, Carole Hooven, a Harvard professor of evolutionary biology claimed that ‘It’s obvious that men are much more driven by sex than women’ (El Pais). Obviously (sic!), her claim fits the stereotype: men are dominant and women are passive. It’s quite weird that this stereotype still exists.

My own experiences do not support her view (above). Generalizing my own experiences would, however, be dangerous as my sample is – by definition – non-random and thus biased. Something similar happened in the urban legend that 8%-10% of children are not raised by their biological father.

My own experiences support the view that sex is about (not) having Power in a relationship. The one – male or female – that withholds sex from the other person, is using sex for gaining Power in that relationship. In that context, the view above gets a (very) different meaning, like: men are more driven by Power.

Hence, in various relationships men deliberately withhold sex from their woman, while women deliberately withhold sex from their man. These stories are actually quite common as explanations for dating. Entire websites, nicknamed like second love, have been built on this phenomenon.

The stereotype used by Carole Hooven (above) is actually quite insulting to (some) women because a female sex drive should then be considered as abnormal, atypical, or even deviant (source).

My view is partly rooted in the 1994 film Disclosure with Demi Moore (boss) and Michael Douglas (victim). One of the famous lines in that movie is when the female CFO says to Michael Douglas:

“Sexual harassment is not about sex. It is about power. She has it; you don’t.”


Several decades ago, I was the new CFO and was asked to fire a female employee. Before that meeting, I was warned that she would use her femininity on me to change my mind, as she had (allegedly) done successfully before. She did indeed. I managed to finish that meeting despite lots of distraction.

Some relevant quotes:

  • Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. An alleged quote by Oscar Wilde
  • I hate society’s notion that there is something wrong with sex, Something wrong with a woman who loves sex. Alessandra Torre
  • My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or morality. Alice Bag
  • A woman isn’t a whore for wanting pleasure. If it were unnatural, we would not be born with such drives. Nenia Campbell
  • No woman gets an orgasm from shining a kitchen floor. Betty Friedan

Nasty Girl (1982) by Vanity 6
artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-artists, Wiki-song

[Spoken Interlude]
That’s right, I can’t control it
I need seven inches or more
Tonight, I can no longer hold it
Get it up, get it up, I can’t wait anymore

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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