Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Judging people

Tuesday last week, several people commented on my draft blog on Parenting. One of them included a nasty judgement about me without even knowing me. We live 2,000+ kilometers away. She claims she is my friend and even her brother. To me, her comment felt as betrayal of our (online) friendship.

Her comment didn’t hurt me though because you can only hurt someone with the truth.

Falsehoods and/or lies may sting but shouldn’t hurt you (emotionally).

She did say sorry (ie, acceptance of error) but then claimed it was a “misunderstanding”, which brought her back at step three, being Bargaining.

I’m still waiting for her apology on motive rather than on consequences; also see this quote:

“True remorse is never just a regret over consequences; it is a regret over motive.” Mignon McLaughlin

About two months ago, I made the mistake of revealing info to a close friend that was supposed to stay secret. I also made a nasty judgement on her boyfriend. She said my judgement is shared by others but that she loves him. She concluded that my timing couldn’t have been worse. We hardly spoke since.

In my case, apologizing would make me a hypocrite. I meant what I said and accept the consequences.

In my 2019 blog, I used a 2016 Business Insider article on the two criteria why people judge each other:

  1. Can I trust this person?
  2. Can I respect this person?

I suppose our initial contact answers the first question. Subsequent contact is about the second question. Perhaps, virtual contact (eg, email, WhatsApp) cannot answer these questions on trust and respect. Perhaps, only physical contact can. I may continue this line of thought in a subsequent blog.

It took me a while making a diagram of the above.

The explanations that come to mind are complex; not simple. I doubt my diagram is complete.

Without trust and respect, there cannot be friendship. Friends support each other; even “online friends”.

Criticize (1987) by Alexander O’Neal
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-song

Don’t criticize my friends
Criticize my ideas
Don’t criticize my lifestyle

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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