Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Dating and Einstein’s definition of insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This expression is usually credited to Albert Einstein, without supporting evidence. Recently, a friend was complaining about her lack of results, following her many coffee dates. Is dating an example of this insanity definition?

For several months, I have quit my dating efforts considering the high likelihood for the next disappointment (ie, risk-reward). It had never occurred to me that repeating my dating efforts could even equal this insanity definition. To me, it was about not losing Hope. I was wrong. Doubt and Fear did not take over.

Recently, Dutch newspaper NRC republished a 2021 article: More and more people are living without a romantic partner (and are often happier). Note: Dutch title translated by me. It’s a good article; also because its content is factual and not biased by opinions. I also recognized my own situation.

It should be stressed that this NRC article is about people of 40+; the author is born in 1983. I suppose dating experiences between 20-40 will be more positive. The opposite is also true: 50+ dating is like fishing in troubled waters (2021), part two (2021), and Quitting dating is like quitting smoking (2022).

Quitting dating indeed made me happier. This makes sense because I am avoiding disappointments. Obviously, I might be missing out on an opportunity. This fear is often called FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. At 60+, it seems highly unlikely I should fear missing out on a dating opportunity.

Notwithstanding the above, I’m keeping my options open. Recently, I had a coffee date. It wasn’t the typical blind date because she and I have a mutual (local) friend. We also talked about our mutual emotional baggage. In your 60s, it’s often a lot. In our case, it’s more than a lot. To be continued – or not.

Quitting dating also made me more satisfied because there is no one left to complain or to insist on talking. For a broader context, please watch the funny video A Tale of Two Brains by Mark Gungor.

My diagram at the left is part of my 2021 blog Balancing happiness, satisfaction and love.

Without Love, I’ll never be able to reach 100%.

Finding that missing c.10% will take much time and effort. Probably, too much time & effort.

At my age, (additional) time is a gift; not a given.

It’s time to appreciate what I have and be thankful.

As Oprah Winfrey stated:

Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” Source

Count Your Blessings (2010) by Nas & Damian Marley
Nas, Damian Marley, lyrics, video, Wiki-Nas, Wiki-Damian Marley, Wiki-album

I’ve got joy in abundance
I’ve got life full of substance
I’ve got meetings and functions
So I count my blessings
I’ve got something to live for
I’ve got surplus to give more
And we’re all welcome through his door
So I count my blessings
And give thanks to the master
That through all the disaster
We’re still here together after
So I count your blessings

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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