Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Calculating women vs opportunistic men

There are several topics on my list that have not been used yet as these lacked a broader context. These topics are about female and male behaviour. For a long while, I’ve viewed men, my gender, as opportunistic. Meanwhile, I struggled finding a similar term for women.

In dating, gender differences become transparent. Some women insist on paying 50%. Some women pay nothing, either with a pre-warning or (more often) without. For these women, dating = free food (eg, 2019 study, Atlantic-2019, NY Post-2019). Some women are generous (eg, dinners, gifts, time).

In general, men are opportunistic and believe in a quid pro quo (ie, a favour for a favour; or in Dutch: voor wat, hoort wat). Opportunism, however, only gives consideration to the upside; not to the downside. Men expect a bootie call while “23–33% of women surveyed had engaged in a foodie call“.

Pew Research-2019: “About four-in-ten cohabiting adults cite finances and convenience as major reasons why they moved in with their partner”. The Citizen-2022: “[] experience shows that when it comes to marriage, women seem to be more interested in tying the knot than men. But why?”

The Citizen article, Why women are more keen on getting married, mentions several arguments: band-aid to solve personal life problems, desperation, more women than men, showing off husband, and social security. Some of these arguments are related to its Tanzanian and/or East African perspective.

“Most men are very selective when it comes to marriage because they consider a lot of things. Apart from physical appearance, men consider economic factors. They prefer a woman who can financially contribute to the union rather than one who is a hundred per cent dependent.” The Citizen-2022

Cohabitation, and especially marriage, is where the opportunistic man meets the calculating woman. Now, their interests align and both are eager to make it work, albeit for different reasons – apart from love.

For opportunistic men, marriage has no upside (compared to cohabitation) and a considerable downside (eg, divorce rate). Hence, opportunistic men will delay marriage (eg, finding someone better). For calculating women, their biological clock is what matters most (c.30-35 years in western countries).

There might be only one area on which calculating women and opportunistic men will always agree: the need, the want, and the belief in companionship, “a sense of closeness being with another person”.

Move Closer (1984) by Phyllis Nelson (1950-1998)
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-song

Hey baby
You go your way, and I’ll go mine
But in the meantime

Move closer
Move your body real close
Until we, feel like we’re really making love

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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