Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

“It’s a pity we can’t stay friends with everyone”

Some time ago, a friend made this Dutch comment: “En spijtig genoeg lukt het niet met iedereen om vrienden te blijven.” My title above is the English translation. She and I are still friends, although no longer lovers. Our friendship has always been stronger than our relationship. She is like the sister I never had.

Generally, I tend to disagree with my friend’s statement. Only in exceptional cases, I tend to agree with her. I suppose, the difference is that only some relationships also include friendship. Relationships are common but a friendship within a relationship remains rare. Why?

I think, feel and believe that the answer relates to my diagram at the left.

A relationship is a connection between body (eg, physical attraction, lust) and mind (eg, liking someone as a person).

A soulmate is a powerful connection between mind and soul that doesn’t require bodily contact.

To some extent, a friendship is love without lust. Hence, it’s a connection between body and soul.

Considering the above, I am always puzzled by the words “online friendship”. In my view, this is an oxymoron or contradiction in terms, “a phrase that contains words which have very different or opposite meanings”. Either you are a friend or an (online) acquaintance. Moreover, “online friendships” deteriorate quickly.

Despite my dissecting of the terms (online) friends, friendship, relationship and soulmate, there are indeed instances in which “it’s a pity we can’t stay friends with everyone”.

Often, the reason is simple: when a relationship stops, a friendship was either absent or it will continue.

Sometimes, a friend will hurt your feelings. A simple sorry will usually be enough between friends. The conscious absence of any apology hurts even deeper. I know for a fact. There’s no pity though.

The worst situation, in my view, is a breakdown of the entire triangle. It hurts deeply losing a friend, a lover and a soulmate. Nevertheless, it’s true that time heals all wounds. The scars keep us from forgetting what could have been. As Todd Rundgren sings below: “Memories linger on, It’s like a sweet, sad old song”.

Can We Still Be Friends (1978) by Todd Rundgren
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-song

[Verse 2]
Let’s admit we made a mistake
But can we still be friends?
Heartbreak’s never easy to take
But can we still be friends?

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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