Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Negativity: not forgetting + not forgiving + not loving (yourself)

I’m not good in forgetting (eg, bad events). I forgive easily but not everyone. For decades, I did not love myself (eg, failed marriage). My introspection, following my 2013 burnout and subsequent depression, allowed me to achieve philautia or self-love. Narcissism is an extreme form of self-love and/but without any doubt.

Writing the aforementioned paragraph made me wonder whether I’m negative. I do not view myself as either negative or positive. I’m critical and skeptical and/but mostly towards myself. I’m not optimistic or pessimistic and/but mostly realistic. I doubt a lot (eg, information, people) and/but I’ve always hope.

Faith, Hope & Love (eg, 1 Corinthians 13) keep me away from the dark side in life. That is the main reason why I do not view myself as negative or pessimistic. Others might, however, disagree with me.

Is there a solution to negativity?

The answer is about the difference between personality, attitude and behaviour.

My recent positivity blog stated that negativity and positivity are both a choice in our life. However, 2013 research claims that certain genes predispose some people to focus on the negative. Hence, your personality may have a “predisposed focus” but your behaviour can change (eg, learning). Hence, there’s a solution.

Why do people remain stuck in negativity? Explanations will vary, like comfort zone, fear, victim role.

Those explanations hide a fundamental explanation: Change is hard for many people, and too hard for some. Change requires willpower. Willpower requires a belief in change. A belief in change will not last (long) without faith in that belief. See my blogs on Faith, Beliefs & Willpower.

Moreover, our beliefs are like the firmware of our mind, and not its (frequently updated) operating system. It takes each of us decades to build our set of (individual) beliefs. In my view, only life-altering moments (eg, burnout, death) can slash – and sometimes burn – those beliefs (eg, NY-Mag, 2016).

The above results in the following popular sayings:
– “People don’t change. They just get better at hiding the truth.” (unknown)
– “People don’t change, situations change and make you see more of who people really are.” (unknown)
– “People don’t change, they just have momentary steps outside of their true character.” (Chad Kultgen)
– “People don’t change their behavior unless it makes a difference for them to do so.” (Sharon Stone)
– “Those who can’t change their minds can’t change anything. (George Bernard Shaw)
– “People don’t change at their core. If you’re a good person, you are a good person. What changes is our behavior.” (Karrine Steffans)
– “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” (Maya Angelou)

Clearly, the answer is about personality, attitude and behaviour.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” An alleged quote by Albert Einstein.

Human Behaviour (1993) by björk
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-song

If you ever get close to a human
And human behaviour
Be ready, be ready to get confused
There’s definitely, definitely, definitely no logic
To human behaviour
But yet so, yet so irresistible

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless in quotes or stated otherwise.


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