Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The shadow over any past relationship

Last Monday, I received her “no” to my invitation to heal at my home. It didn’t come as a surprise. Too much time had already expired. Her entire message did surprise me though and even made me sad for a moment. The history of our relationship is still hanging like a dark cloud (or shadow) over any future together.

I suppose the above relates to several sayings, like this one: “Breakups don’t just happen. The relationship ended for a reason. It didn’t just run its course – there was a firm, legitimate reason the two of you couldn’t reach the next level.” Hence, the shadow over any past relationship.

I’ve reiterated my invitation while stressing there are no strings attached. The above saying appeals to my ratio too. Still, I feel I have an obligation taking care of her in her worst moment, like she did for me in 2013. I would also like her to see the new & improved me. That is not an ulterior motive though because I told her in advance.

When I consider reviving other past relationships then my mind usually puts a STOP to it. Probably, those risk analyses (eg, risk-reward) are even more favourable than the one above. Still, I don’t dare. Why? It’s about assumptions and expectations, I suppose. If people haven’t changed, why bother??

It’s unrealistic to assume that people have changed within a short period of time. Hence, you expect that the same old issues would return. After all, many people don’t change; especially within a short timeframe.

So why do we even bother considering reviving past relationships? Firstly, reminiscence of the past brings back warm, nostalgic feelings (my blog). There’s more, however. I suppose that we are reminded of important and very specific items on our dating (grocery) shopping list. At the very least, in my case.

The shadow over any past relationship seems a given. Chances of a reconciliation – let alone successful – might be as slim as 1% x 1% = 0,01% – or negligible in time. I hope it’s different for parents and children.

“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.” A quote from A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin.

Me And My Shadow (1927) by Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. & Dean Martin (1962)
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Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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