Last Saturday, these words came to me as inspiration: I’m drifting on my melancholia. I suppose my mind made up a paraphrase of a song line from David Sylvian‘s 1984 album Brilliant Trees: “I’m drowning in my nostalgia”. I love that song. My inspiration was (most likely) related to another song: Tu me manques (I miss you) by the French/German singer-songwriter Pauline Schenckel.
Pediaa: “The main difference between melancholy and nostalgia is that melancholy refers to a gloomy state of mind whereas nostalgia refers to longing for or remembering the past.” Note: markings in quote by Pediaa. Following this quote, it may seem more logical to “drown in melancholy” and to “drift on nostalgia”. This blog and that song are not about logic though.
I know very well that my mind is playing a trick on me by filtering my memories. My emotions are highlighting the good memories while hiding the bad ones. Once that short period of “drowning” is over, my ratio restores the balance. I have succumbed to my nostalgia by creating a hybrid solution: a long-stay visit. I’m still waiting for her to accept or reject my proposal.
A negative answer would not devastate or hurt me. It might even allow me to move on. Perhaps, I prefer to be stuck in my nostalgia, however. Finding the combination of a friend, a lover, a muse/muze, and a soulmate in one person has been impossible so far. Hence, my repeated cycles of nostalgia, I suppose.
I’ve come close to a point where I prefer to be – and stay – alone rather than entering the (dating) chase again. I’m not sure how many disappointments one can bear. I’m becoming less and less eager to find out about that “maximum”. Possibly, this is why I’m shifting to repairing “loose ends” (ie, yesterday’s blog).
I’m always reminded of a saying from the The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (#7.3 in IMDb). In this 2011 comedy-drama, hotel owner Sonny Kapoor (ie, actor Dev Patel) argues the following to the newly arrived British guests, who are disappointed by the state of his Best Exotic Marigold hotel:
“Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.” (IMDb)
The sound of waves in a pool of water
I’m drowning in my nostalgia
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.