In 2015, I wrote my blog Apologies and the 7 reasons for non-apologists. A few days ago, I noticed an article in The Times of Israel, an online English language newspaper: What’s the point of an apology? It caught my interest as I seldom apologize. I only apologize when I mean it; not when it’s politically correct.
Moreover, it genuinely (sic!) irritates me when people are constantly apologizing for anything that goes wrong. Usually, I ask them to stop apologizing and only use a sorry when it’s appropriate and/or necessary. I also explain to them that apologies become worthless when these are used too often.
Adding adjectives, like “I’m genuinely / really sorry”, doesn’t help (me). It stresses that these people don’t mean what they say, when they do not use the adjective ‘genuinely’ or ‘really’. Politicians are experts. Their abundant use of saying “sorry” is very annoying. Their adjectives are starting to feel similar.
Any apology that is perceived to be insincere, feels like an insult to our intelligence. It decreases the value of forthcoming apologies. Hence, I minimize my apologies to the instances where an apology is necessary. These do not include intentional wrongdoings. A sincere apology can only relate to unintentional deeds and/or words. See my blogs on Deeds, Words & Intentions.
Last year, I said some harsh words to someone. I was shocked after I had uttered my words. I was clueless why I had said that. I had had no intention to say those words. Initially, I pretended as if I had said nothing. That strategy bugged me as it was an insult to that person (and myself). Hence, I apologized and explained that I had no explanation for what had come over me. My apologies were accepted; my memory remains.
There’s a important quote by the American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983):
“True remorse is never just a regret over consequences; it is a regret over motive.” (GoodReads)
In short, insincere apologies are regrets over consequences; sincere apologies are regrets over motive.
I’m Sorry (1960) by Brenda Lee
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
(I’m sorry) I’m sorry
(So sorry) So sorry
Please accept my apology
But love is blind
And I was too blind to see
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.
0 Comments