Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The more you know yourself, the shorter your relationships

Following her questions about (my) relationships, I suddenly received a weird thought: the more you know yourself, the shorter your relationships. Actually, this line summarizes my relationship history rather well: from very long to very short. She acknowledged that my thought also applied to her situation.

I’m far from sure that my blog title will also apply to others because she and I have one thing in common: we both perceive ourselves as complex. I’m still digesting on the logic behind my blog title and recent thought. It feels as if there is logic involved.

Actually, there is and she pointed it out to me in her latest voice message. I will rephrase her words by using the concepts from my blogs. The logic in my thought (and blog title) relates to Abraham Maslow‘s pyramid containing the hierarchy of needs (1943). It also relates to my concept of the 3 collective development stages – Needs, Wants & Beliefs – and the 2 individual development stages, being Awakening and Wisdom.

The updated diagram below is based on my 2017 blog Feel the need in me.

The more you know yourself, the more you will grow as an individual. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you will go upwards in his pyramid towards self-actualization (ie, “realization of one’s full potential”) and transcendence (ie. spiritual needs). Both levels are individual rather than collective. Hence, you will lose people on your way to the top (eg, of Maslow’s pyramid).

For her and me, this is not a serious problem as we both cherish our solitude. Hence, we hardly know the feeling of loneliness. Also see my blogs on solitude vs loneliness. For us, it’s hard to relate to people who still need or want or believe that more = better. For us, life is simple: less = more. Also see my blogs on Less = More vs More = Better.

Nevertheless, even she and I are hoping for a miracle in our lives. I used to have a girlfriend who was my soulmate but we were both too damaged from a prior relationship. After five years of ups and mostly downs, our relationship finally failed. I have mostly healed by now. She is finally starting to heal herself.

The above indicates that there’s a solution to her and my situation: finding someone who is beyond the collective development stage of Needs, Wants & Beliefs and who believes (sic!) in less = more.

Promised You a Miracle (1982) by Simple Minds
artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

I promised you a miracle
Oh, belief is a beauty thing
Promises, promises
As golden days break wondering

Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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