In my dating efforts, it’s my policy to keep written communication to a minimum, and to move towards verbal communication asap (ie, phone). When verbal communication (eg, voice) is pleasant, a meeting is the next step. A meeting will show if there is actual chemistry. Recently, a Possibly Maybe sent me a slide with the 7-38-55 rule. It took me a while finding its source.
Apparently, my dating approach is in line with Albert Mehrabian‘s Communication Theory:
- written communication is only 7% effective;
- verbal communication adds another 38% effectiveness (sum = 45%);
- non-verbal communication adds 55% effectiveness (total = 100%).
Actually, I was surprised that written communication is only 7% effective. My first thought was: how about my blog?? Then, I realised that my blog is more of a monologue than a dialogue (with my readers). Hence, this model cannot apply to books, else there would be no bestsellers.
Interestingly, the reciprocal of the above numbers seems valid as well (albeit in my case):
- about 1 in 14 persons will move from written to verbal communication (ie, 7%);
- about 1 in 3 persons will move from verbal contact to a meeting (ie, 38%);
- about 1 in 2 persons will move to a second date (ie, 55%);
The cumulative effectiveness rate appears to be 7% x 38% x 55% = 1.5% or 1-2 out of 100 people. Again, in my case that seems about right.
Essentially, communication is about delivering a message from sender to receiver. However, any message is about the complex triangle of deeds, words & intentions (my blogs). Deeds and words are often meaningless, without knowing someone’s true intentions. Intentions can only be picked up by a skilled observer of non-verbal communication.
My meeting with the Possibly Maybe above lasted for 3 hours. About 15 minutes after our positive introduction, I felt a repeated and unusual warning: “Hands off”. I still don’t know why. It doesn’t really matter because I trust my feelings and/or instincts. My subconscious must have picked up some non-verbal communication.
U Can’t Touch This (1990) by MC Hammer
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.
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