Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Balancing friendship, intimacy and trust

22 March 2021


Recently, my best friend forever acknowledged that I’m still her BFF despite all that happened since we broke up. I’m relieved that we’ve finally reconnected. She asked me if there could still be a future between us. I had to consider her question. I said that it’s definitely not a no. It’s probably a yes, provided that certain conditions would be met. She said that she smiled at my answer.

She knows me very well but has only seen me at my worst. I would like her to see me at my best this time, which is now. Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962) had a similar observation: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

The title above refers to a recent blog: What constitutes a relationship? It’s about balancing friendship, intimacy and trust.

Many friends will never become lovers. The friend zone is a notorious situation to be in.

A BFF combines these three in one person. Note LO: intimacy does not necessarily include sexual intimacy.

Similarly, lovers may not necessarily be each other’s friend (eg, marriage).

I have (had) friends and lovers but I’ve never had another BFF. It’s a pretty lousy feeling though, knowing that it exists and not being able to find it again. Sometimes, you think, feel and believe that you’re close but only to be disappointed again.

Against all odds, my BFF and I have reconnected. Still, we are separated by a (very) long distance and we are both living separate lives. It’s gonna take a miracle to get us reunited again. I’m not even sure that the preconditions, as mentioned above, could be met. 

I do know that there’s love and affection, this time perhaps at both ends.

Love and Affection (1976) by Joan Armatrading

artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

I am not in love 

But I’m open to persuasion 

East or West 

Where’s the best 

For romancing

With a friend I can smile 

But with a lover 

I could hold my head back 

I could really laugh

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.


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