Several weeks ago, I heard a film quote: “But with loneliness comes freedom… to go where you please. Do what you want.” Like the Netflix film, this quote also feels weird. I still cannot relate to it. Apparently, it’s a (failed) paraphrase of a quote by writer C.S Lewis (1898-1963): “The price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy is to be tied.” This quote does make sense (to me).
Last Monday, I suddenly felt lonely. I tried killing some time by watching some Netflix series. It didn’t help. Loneliness brings a weird state of mind. Something like a fog. You cannot see clearly. Actually, the feeling of freedom is probably the last thing on your mind. I like my freedom. If anything, I associate freedom with solitude; not loneliness.
I think I know why I felt lonely. My girlfriend had spent a long weekend with me. On Monday, her absence was causing a sudden void in my world (eg, Stringer). It may not be a lasting feeling. I’m always struggling with keeping my solitude while avoiding loneliness. I’ve written four more blogs on the rollercoaster of solitude and loneliness: part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4.
I suppose this struggle is making me feel complex rather than difficult. Somehow, I contain the pull and push forces of magnetism inside of me. In this context, loneliness is a pull (towards me) force, and solitude is a push (away) force.
The puzzling part (for me) is that I should have felt a serene feeling of solitude, last Monday. I didn’t. My girlfriend asked if I had missed her. I had indeed. She was happy. I was confused. I’m not (yet) willing to sacrifice my need for solitude for a 24/7 relationship. Fortunately, neither is she. Yet, we both realise that it might happen some day.
Perhaps, my rollercoaster of solitude and loneliness is about to end its ride. I wouldn’t mind because it’s exhaustive. More and more, I am reminded of an anonymous saying: “Being someone’s first love is great, but being someone’s last love is beyond perfect.” I’m almost there.
“The price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy is to be tied.” A quote by C.S Lewis (1898-1963), a British writer.
Not Too Late (for love) by Norah Jones (2007)
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2, Wiki-3
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.
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