On my bucket list is just one item: to reconnect with my daughter. Everything else feels irrelevant. In the last 10 years, I have only met her twice. The problem is not her and not me. There is an invisible though physical obstacle in between us.
Before, that person was just destroying my life. Now, that person is also damaging my daughter’s life. Probably, that person knows that damaging my daughter is damaging me. The motto appears to be: “All is fair in love and war”. My worst fear is becoming reality.
Every cloud has a silver lining: my daughter is seeking help. That other person is refusing any help since decades. Everyone else has a problem; not that person. Some 10 years ago, I heard the ugly truth. That person faced a childhood trauma.
When you’re in (deep) denial of a truth, then reverse psychology and psychological projection are well-known coping mechanisms. Donald Trump is perhaps the best example of this phenomenon: he always blames others for his own failures, and takes credit for the successes of others. The Truth does not exist; only his perspective on reality. That person is mimicking Trump’s behaviour.
Unfortunately, my daughter trusts that person. I do not, since several years. Before, I did and at my own expense. In my perspective, that person is lying and cheating by merely stating its perspective on shared reality. Like Trump, that person will never change. Both are too damaged.
Before, I had decided to keep my dirty laundry hidden from my daughter. This is no longer an option because of that other person’s continued behaviour. My daughter does not know my side of the story. She only knows the other side of that story. Hence, I’m opening up to her. Ruining my life was my problem. Ruining my daughter’s life is unacceptable to me.
That other person should understand that I will always keep fighting for my daughter’s wellbeing. I will never give up on her. Only death can make me give up that fight. I’m asking my daughter to do the same: don’t give up.
Don’t Give Up (1986) by Peter Gabriel featuring Kate Bush
Don’t give up ’cause you have friends
Don’t give up, you’re not beaten yet
Don’t give up, I know you can make it good
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.