Do you understand me?

I get annoyed when a woman uses these words to me: “[remark], do you understand me?” This red flag invokes the following thought – and sometimes words: “WHY wouldn’t I understand you??” At times, my anger breaks my usual silence. I knew mansplaining but I was unaware of its female equivalent: womansplaining. 

Actually, quite a lot of women complete a sentence while using the words: “[remark], do you understand me?” Possibly, its use is related to women being a mother with children (eg, sons). According to research, the male mind takes several more years to mature than the female mind (PT). The slower male brain may need the question: “[remark], do you understand me?”

I’m not sure when my anger to this question started. It might be rather recent (ie, < 5 years). Before, that question had been registered in my subconscious, and had not been uploaded to my conscious. I do know who usually provokes me with this question. Moreover, I also know why it angers me: it’s patronizing (eg, HuffPost). 

As a boy, my CITO school test revealed that I was (too) young for my age. In other words, my male brain was even younger than the average male brain (sic!). That observation did, however, create a fighting spirit which has never left me since. 

My fighting spirit does not reveal itself towards most people, only to some people. In general, those people are important to me, for whatever reason. If people don’t know me, and/or are not important to me, then I don’t care what they say (eg, about me). The opinion of people who know me well is important to me.

At this point, you might think: why fight with people for whom you care? My answer would be: why fight with people for whom I do not care? Such people do not deserve my time. 

To a large extent, it’s the same in love and relationships. The moment that romantic partners stop fighting, the relationship is over. You only fight for the things you care about (eg, HuffPost). 

At times, I do use the question in my blog title too. Whenever a facial expression or a verbal hesitance makes me wonder whether my words were understood, I’ll ask that question. I prefer to verify rather than assume. To me, this question is not a catchphrase or filler (Dutch: stopwoordje).

You Don’t Understand Me (1995) by Roxette
artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.