For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been worried whether my sadness was a weakness or a strength. The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) had a clear view on this matter: “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger” (Wiki). With hindsight, I agree.
My moments of sadness feel like waves, slowly building, shortly peaking, and then slowly fading. Their frequency has declined though. During these moments of sadness, everything becomes subject to doubt; not self-doubt though. This doubt allows me to widen my focus and perspective. As a result of this soul-searching, self-proclaimed facts can turn out to be assumptions.
Interestingly, pretending to be always strong may equal toxic positivity. I noticed this (new) term in recent research by Macquarie University:
“A step beyond “unrealistic optimism”, which has been researched by psychologists, toxic positivity is insincere positivity or an overly positive bias. It can kill creativity and empathy and encourage the idea that feelings of sadness are not OK, leading to misunderstandings, harm and suffering.”
One might wonder why I was even worried whether my sadness was a weakness or a strength. In general, boys and men are not supposed to show weakness to others. Showing weakness makes you vulnerable to bullies, either at home, school, sports, or at work. It’s hardly a surprise that the example used by Macquarie Universit, is also known as the US Bully-in-Chief.
Showing your weaknesses – a.k.a. showing your vulnerability – may easily be misunderstood. My vulnerability is, however, part of my strength. I can bend when the situation requires bending. I now know that I can also break (my burnout blogs). Even my (many months of) breakdown has made me stronger: I know what I want and know what I don’t want.
Netflix features an excellent series about the above: Cobra Kai, which has a rating of 8.8 in IMDb. I binge-watched two seasons in three evenings. Success is measured in more than one way. Showing mercy (a weakness) allows you to retain your honour (a strength). This series is compelling from the very first minutes.
I just remembered a line from Cobra Kai: life is about balance. Strengths and weaknesses are part of that balance. That balance creates authenticity, “the degree to which a person’s actions are congruent with his or her beliefs and desires, despite external pressures”.
The Weakness In Me (1981) by Joan Armatrading
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
I’m not the sort of person who falls
In and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.
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