Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Saviour complex

Recently, I connected to someone who is dealing with several issues. My help became an aphrodisiac to her. This should not come as a surprise as doctors and patients often develop relationships (eg, NCBI-2006NCBI-2016, blog). With hindsight, I’ve been a magnet to people having problems. However, magnetism has a pull andpush force (my blogs of 2018 and 2019).

I think, feel and believe that helping other people is our primary goal in life (eg, my blogs of 2015-062017-02, 2017-032017-04, 2018-05). I do not think, feel or believe that I have a saviour complex though. I’m not helping everyone; just the ones that cross my path and seem worthy of my time. By definition, our time is limited. Hence, I must be selective in offering my time to others.

Psychology Today: “According to the blog PeopleSkillsDecoded.com, the savior complex can be best defined as “A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.” Note: italic marking + URL by LO.

Moreover, I do not believe that you can save someone. You can lead a horse to the water but you cannot make it drink (phrases). The same applies to humans. You can advise someone but you cannot make her/him follow your advice. Ultimately, you can only save yourself – not others.

Saving yourself requires Faith, Beliefs & Willpower (my blogs). Your beliefs empower your will – a.k.a. willpower. Having faith in your beliefs, enables a lasting willpower. Without your beliefs, willpower remains in a vacuum. Without having faith in your beliefs, willpower will be temporary.

The push force in magnetism is interesting as we often push away the people who come close and want to help us. I suppose this pushing away is about testing someone’s loyalty to us. This “test” is however “designed” to make people fail that test. Once the pull force of magnetism changes towards push (away), there seems to be no turning back towards the pull force.

The above has already made me wonder whether this push (away) force is accountable and/or responsible (my blogs) for my various break-ups. This would finally be an explanation, which I prefer above my observation that I’m their common factor (eg, my blogs of 2016 and 2020).

The push force may relate to this Psychology Today observation: “The problem is that trying to “save” someone does not allow the other individual to take responsibility for his or her own actions and to develop internal motivation“.

Hence, in order to save yourself, you must push away people who want to save you. This indeed seems consistent with my 2013-14 road to recovery from a burnout or depression.

Save Me (1976) by Joan Armatrading

artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Sinking

Caught up in a whirling motion

Such a strange sensation

The currents uncertain

Like sails of a mill

I spin

Like wheels I move in a circle

While you stand on the bank

Immune or evasive

Throw me a lifeline

Save me…

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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