Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The rollercoaster of Solitude and Loneliness (4)

Some people enjoy the company of others. I prefer the company of myself. Deep down, I’m a solitary man. This may explain the loopings of my rollercoaster of solitude and loneliness: at a low point, I’ll miss company. At a high, I’ll miss my solitude. In between, I’m usually enjoying the company of the one that I am with.

When I’m in a relationship, I usually forget that I’m a solitary person. The appeal of company wins from the appeal of solitude. Someday, this outcome will change into a tie or draw. Subsequently, the equation will reverse: the appeal of company loses from the appeal of solitude.

Besides being a solitary person at heart, I think, feel and believe that I am also a hopeless romantic: “a person who holds sentimental and idealistic views on love, especially in spite of experience, evidence, or exhortations otherwise”. In blunt terms: a lone wolf looking for love. Is that combination even possible?

My Google search on “a loner looking for love” revealed various hits: LonerWolf article (“Being a Loner and Finding Love: Is It Incompatible?”), Psychology Today, PuckermobQuora, Thought Catalog and Thrive Global (“The Ultimate Survival Guide for the Introvert Who Is Looking for Love”). Clearly, I’m not alone in this area.

Then another question popped up in my mind: is there a moral hazard in (rebound) relationships? In other words, is being in a (rebound) relationship an incentive for (i) ignoring the risk of (rebound) relationships, and (ii) for not addressing the compatibility dilemma of a lone wolf looking for love?

A 2014 Psychology Today article sheds some light on my “lone wolf looking for love” dilemma: “The Appeal and the Risks of Rebound Relationships” (title) and “When every partner is “the One,” until the next one” (subtitle). Nevertheless, this article only feels partially applicable.

Ultimately, my belief in Love (and in Knowledge and in Power – a.k.a. trialism) is my strength and my weakness. That is why I’m surviving my ongoing rollercoaster of Solitude and Loneliness. Also see my other three blogs on this topic: 2016-52016-11a and 2016-11b.

Perhaps, it’s just not easy being in a relationship with someone like me.

quote from The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration by Vera Nazarian (b. 1966), an Armenian-Russian American writer of fantasy and science fiction:

“Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:

  1. Acceptance 
  2. Understanding 
  3. Appreciation

Remove any one of the three and the triangle falls apart. Which, by the way, is something highly inadvisable. Think about it — do you really want to live in a world of only two dimensions? So, for the love of a triangle, please keep love whole.”

Roller Coaster (2019) by Danny Vera

artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Here we go 

On this rollercoaster life we know 

With those crazy highs and real deep lows 

I really don’t know why

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.


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