Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The lone wolf looking for love dilemma

For quite some time, I have considered myself as the greatest common factor in relationships that were failing. I’m the constant factor in these situations. From a statistical angle, you must look at both persons to derive such a conclusion. That might relieve “my” verdict somewhat. Still, I prefer looking at my accountability and responsibility first, rather than blaming the other.

Once, my mother called me a “difficult” person. I guess I am indeed. Nevertheless, her observation is also rooted in reverse psychology and psychological projection (my blogs). She is one of the most “difficult” persons whom I know. Perhaps, I’ve just inherited one of her character traits.

I suppose that I am “difficult” because I combine various – if not many – opposite character traits, like rational and emotional, analytic and detailed, busy and lazy, social and anti-social, conservative and liberal, generous and frugal, and so on and so forth. Even my résumé states the various opposites of my character.

I think, feel and believe that these opposites keep me balanced. Other people may, however, believe that I’m not making choices. I know that I am overthinking many things but I cannot stop that process inside my mind. My internal curiosity is immense. Blaming me for overthinking and for not being happier, equals not accepting who I am. Why even bother dating a writer?

Even that difficulty may arise because I’m different when in company than when I’m alone. I guess that observation should apply to nearly everyone but perhaps I’m wrong. I love my solitude and enjoy company – another opposing character trait.

An interesting thought just popped up inside my mind: do I fear losing my freedom?

I’m inclined to answer this question by saying: Yes. There’s one exception though: unless I’m head over heels in love. Only then, my overthinking is minimal. Latter usually doesn’t last very long. Ratio always strikes back and then points out the flaws I preferred ignoring while adoring.

The above brings me back to the lone wolf looking for love dilemma (my recent blog).

“I have always been a lone wolf and in the real sense of the word (people say it all the time but it’s usually not true.) I feel like I watch people and I wonder why they do things. Especially when it comes to love and relationships: most of the time I am thinking “Why are they together when they are not meant to be together?” but then I realize that they don’t know that they’re not meant to be together; it’s just me who knows things like that! And I don’t see any importance in all the other reasons why people usually want to be together— because it looks good, because it’s convenient, because it’s a fun game to play… the only reason to be with someone is if you are meant for someone. You’re a wolf and they’re a wolf too and you look at each other and you say “You’re my family, you’re my home.” Well, that’s how I think.” A quote by C. JoyBell C.

Freedom (2012) by Racoon

artists, lyrics, video, Wiki

Although it’s beautiful 

And you are lovely 

Still I’ll be damned if I let you take my 

Freedom, freedom 

Freedom, freedom

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.


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