Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Friendship is a goal for women and a tool for men

Friendship serves an important purpose in our lives. Often these friendships are either between men or between women. Some women believe in mixed friendships (F/M). I have never really understood that phenomenon; please see my blogs of 2014-1, 2014-2, 2015-12015-220162017. Recently, I had an epiphany: friendship is a goal for women and a tool for men.

To be honest, this epiphany is already hidden in an entertaining YouTube video, called “Why men and women can’t be friends”. I use that video for illustrating a famous quote by the Irish playwright and poet Oscar Wilde (1854-1900):

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” (an Oscar Wilde quote)

This video shows that some men are friends with women because a future opportunity may allow to expand that friendship into a relationship. I wouldn’t be able enduring that kind of “masochism” or self-castigation. In this context, a F/M friendship is a tool for men for achieving their ultimate goal: a relationship. This could even be viewed as a Long Con or confidence trick.

It’s tempting to argue that women might use this same Long Con on their male friends. In that context, a F/M friendship would be something like a long trial period before buying the goods. In general, I doubt such a female conning attitude even exists. I believe women believe in friendship, if only because the YouTube video shows female sincerity.

Again, friendship serves an important purpose in our lives: joint activities, deep conversations, having a handyman around. A 1979 song, Splitting up, by Dutch singer Herman van Veen sums these purposes up (eg, lyrics, video). Nevertheless, I think, feel and believe that M/M friendships are different in nature than F/F friendships (eg, less talking, more doing).

The male ability for pragmatism in achieving goals may result in Machiavellianism, including its famous phrase: “the end justifies the means“. I wonder if this explains the overrepresentation of men in the Power domain of the 7 Belief systems: Money, Politics and Religion (the former 7 Belief systems), and/or Money, Data-Info and Technology (the new 7 Belief systems).

Perhaps, it’s as simple as this: friendship is a matter of principle for women, and pragmatic for men. This may explain why a break-up in friendship is ofen final for women and temporary for men. Men always find each other when they need each other – for whatever reason.

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

A quote by Groucho Marx (1890-1977), American comedian.

Friends (1982) by Shalamar

artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Note: all markings (bolditalic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.


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