Yesterday’s part 3 of this blog arrived at an uncanny conclusion: “being in a relationship and feeling unhappy have a high correlation in my life”. I had never realized this before. It might also explain the diminishing duration of my relationships and the absence of one today. For a long time, I viewed (my) incompatibility as its main cause but is it?
I’m a people pleaser and often tend to lose myself in that process. I also believe – and rather strongly – in reciprocity and get annoyed when people act as takers who never give (eg, attention, time). Add incompatibility and an unhappy person will slowly but surely emerge.
I am a loner who likes social contact but hates socializing. I live inside my beautiful mind and may come across as dreamy to others. I am my own best friend and worst critic. I’m pragmatic and principled. I believe in fighting for causes as long as they are worth it. I believe in results, not in making efforts.
I am also a “hopeless romantic” although in an introvert way and far from hopeless. I believe firmly in the conceptual triangle of Faith-Hope-Love (my blogs). 1 Corinthians 13:13 states that Love is the greatest of these three. Please note that Love is not only romantic (eros) but also brotherly and sisterly (philia), divine (agape), and parental (storge).
While writing this blog, I realised that my root problem might stem from another conceptual triangle: Need-Wants-Beliefs. Although I believe in (romantic) love, and want (romantic) love, I keep telling myself that I do not need (romantic) love.
Previously, I viewed my perceived lack of a need for (romantic) love as a left-over from failed relationships. Subsequently, it became a defense mechanism preventing future relationships. Now, I’m wondering whether this lack of a need might have become a belief.
The above paragraphs remind me of a 1972 Neil Young song: A man needs a maid (my 2014 blog). This song captures my dilemmas well, including the expression of the enduring longing in its last line: when will I see you again?
Perhaps the above makes me incompatible. I know my mother claims that (some?) others see me as “difficult” but do not really agree myself. I am an open and transparent book: what you see is what you get. I do have a user manual but who doesn’t? Perhaps mine has more pages.
“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible”. A quote by Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936), English writer, poet, and philosopher.
A Man Needs a Maid (1971) by Neil Young
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
To give a love
You gotta live a love
To live a love
You gotta be part of
When will I see you again?
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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