My blogs on happiness and satisfaction resulted in a new and related topic: compatibility a.k.a. “capable of existing together in harmony” (MW). The (in)compatibility of men and women is a source for many writers, like John Gray‘s 1992 book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and also many comedians (eg, Mark Gungor‘s Tale of Two Brains).
The reason why compatibility is important is stated in my recent blogs on happiness and satisfaction (parts #1, #2, #3, #4). Incompatibility is bound to result in unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Hence, the opposite is likely to be true as well.
It’s not easy determining compatibility as many people take time to show their true self. Following some failed relationships, I’ve learned to appreciate the predictability of the compatibility of zodiac signs. Apparently, my best Zodiac matches are Dragon (95%), Monkey (90%) and Ox (88%). All other zodiac signs are less or even least compatible. I suppose I’ve never met these three, which is indeed possible given the relatively high differences in birth years.
PsychAlive: “Ironically, achieving relationship compatibility often means thinking outside your comfort zone. The most important thing to consider in your decision is to choose someone you really like being around. Don’t place unnecessary restrictions on your choices – excessively limiting your choices by age, job, income level, etc. ”
There is no such thing as perfect compatibility because both persons will change over time. Perhaps, “perfect” compatibility is about minimizing incompatibility (eg, serious turn-offs). Also see the last paragraph of the PsychAlive article.
A Psych Central article by Dr. John M. Grohol mentions the “6 absolute must-haves for relationship compatibility“, being: (1) timeliness and punctuality, (2) cleanliness and orderliness, (3) money and spending, (4) sex and intimacy, (5) life priorities and tempo, and (6) spirituality and religion. I think, feel and believe that these six areas are indeed essential.
To some extent, these six areas overlap my seven criteria for successful relationships, being: (1) communication, (2) intimacy, (3) respect, (4) trust, (5) togetherness, (6) vulnerability, and – most important of all – (7) forgiveness.
Interestingly, the words compatibility and togetherness appear to be synonyms: “the pleasant feeling of being united with other people in friendship and understanding” (Cambridge). Please also see my blogs of 2015-07, 2015-08 and 2016-01.
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” A quote from the 1877 novel Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, a Russian writer.
Pony (1996) by Ginuwine
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
I’m just a bachelor
I’m looking for a partner
Someone who knows how to ride
Without even falling off
Gotta be compatible takes me to my limits
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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