Six years ago, I dreaded the start of each new day. I was glad for the day to end and fall asleep with a new chance of never waking up again. I dreaded life. Today, I’m grateful for each new day (my 2017 blog). Each night, I have my talk with God (lyrics, video). Each morning, I thank Yahweh while counting my blessings (lyrics, song). The difference is my 2013 burnout and depression.
I’m lucky that I survived that period (my 2016 blog). With the knowledge of hindsight, my burnout is one of the best things that happened in my life. I would, however, never wish this to anyone, not even my worst enemy. Finding my way out required lots of introspection: “the examination of one’s own conscious thoughts and feelings”. I was lucky having several breakthroughs.
For two decades, I hadn’t been happy or satisfied due to a failing marriage. My work became my escape from home and eventually my sanctuary. Nevertheless, my burnout was triggered at work when I was forced to do something against my principles (ie, lying). Ever since my burnout, I now realise that having work can even be worse than not having work.
My introspection led to a new set of beliefs, which no longer includes working (eg, NYMag-2006). However, helping out friends is something entirely different (LinkedIn). The consequence was selling my house, downsizing, and relocating. It was – and is – a price that I’m more than willing to pay. I don’t need a job to survive. Neither do I want a job. I’m afraid that I might get trapped again in believing that More = Better.
Today, I believe in Less = More (eg, my 2014 blog, my 2016 blog). It’s quite a liberating feeling, which I recommend to anyone, provided that you believe in it. Else it’s probably doomed to fail. The tiny house movement is also rooted in the Less = More principle, although the lack of affordable housing probably helped stimulate this movement.
As a consequence, I have been giving away lots of stuff because it’s too much for a 1-person household. Although, charity makes you feel good about yourself, there’s also a selfish angle: I believe in charity because I want to get rid of my stuff but I need finding people who accept it.
Next week, I will relocate after having lived here for almost 26 years. It’s time to leave because I feel that I no longer “fit in” my neighbourhood. My neighbour (98) will miss me though and that feeling is mutual. She understands my choices but I feel she doesn’t really like them.
A few days ago, that same neighbour complained about the maintenance of her garden. I told her she could also ignore the lesser parts and appreciate the beauty of the other parts. She replied she can’t look at things that way. Over the years, I have noticed that her outlook on life is quite different from mine. Hence, my title of this blog: Life is what you make it.
Life’s What You Make It (1986) by Talk Talk
artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Baby, life’s what you make it
Celebrate it, anticipate it
Yesterday’s faded, nothing can change it
Life’s what you make it
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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