Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Independence

Most of our lives we are dependent on others (eg, employer, friends, parents, partner). Yet we cherish the idea of independence, most often financial independence. Social independence is more like a myth (eg, Psychology Today-2013) and such people are easily viewed as awkward.

Most life-forms, including humans, live in flocks, groups, herds, or tribes. A group provides protection from predators and provides (social) benefits, like collaboration and learning. Plants and trees are no different (eg, NPR-2017). Independence is clearly the exception in life.

Hence, people are arguing whether independence is a state of mind (eg, M&FOdyssey, Quora). I think, feel and believe it is both. Independence is not something that we need, or want, but something that we believe in (my blogs on Needs-Wants-Beliefs).

Hence, independence – similar to autonomy (my 2017 blog) – is an example of several Belief systems, like Money, Philosophy, Politics, and even Religion (eg, Ukraine-Russia schism).

Like any of the 7 Belief systems, a belief in independence may result in extreme behaviour, like becoming a hermit. A desire for solitude – rather than loneliness – is different from a belief in independence (my blogs). Solitude is a requirement for creative processes, like writing.

Following my divorce, I vowed never to be dependent again on a woman. According to former girlfriends, my aim for independence has been successful. However, slowly I’m noticing a downside. I’m wondering if my belief in independence is blocking successful relationships:

Psychology Today-2013: “Independence means [] you can’t make your partner feel important [] your partner will either be someone who doesn’t feel a right to be important or who starts to look elsewhere for that feeling.”

The above might imply that I need finding a successful hybrid of dependence and independence. At this moment, I have no clue how such a hybrid would look like. At least, it’s food for thought and inspiration for my blogs.

Perhaps the solution lies in this excerpt of a 2017 Psychology Today article:

“Gaining independence helps us learn, explore, and evolve; yet, the world can be a scary and unforgiving place. The need to have others in our lives who we can turn to for comfort, support, and security is essential. Indeed, such dependence gives us the ability to be independent.” Note LO: italic markings in quote by me.

“[…] independence, as we rather arbitrarily call one of the more arduous and dignified forms of our dependence.” A quote from the 1876 novel Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1819-1880). A hat tip to PsychologyToday.

State of Independence (1982) by Donna Summer

artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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