I’m waiting for some phone calls. One is a few months overdue despite having reminded this contractor several times of his promise to call me to make an appointment. Another promise was just a few days ago. Such overdue phone calls make you skeptic about your value as a potential customer, employee, or supplier. It’s (much) easier making promises than honouring them.
The psychology behind promises is different from its legality. Hence, Sender may express (non legally binding) words while Receiver may expect a (legally binding) commitment, and a future deed. Ultimately, the intentions behind promises (and commitments) make all the difference.
If and when I make a promise then I keep it. I do not make promises which I do not intend to honour. It’s part of Who I am. This attitude has been beneficiary throughout my working life. My reputation has always been a key part of my brand name. As Thorbecke once stated: “Trust comes on foot but leaves on horseback”.
Any promise (by Sender) creates an expectation (at Receiver). Not fulfilling such expectations, either completely or on a timely basis, generally results in disappointments. Often, disappointment is worse than anger because a feeling of disappointment lasts (much) longer.
Why do people make promises that they do not intend to honour? Probably, because they think that is what Receiver wants to hear, that it pleases Receiver. These people may make so many promises on a daily basis that they (are bound to) forget what they have promised earlier.
A 2018 answer on Quora highlights several other relevant reasons: (1) inability due to self-deception, (2) inability to keep commitments and “buying” time (eg, late payments), (3) inability due to self-overestimation, and (4) different priorities and no longer willing to keep promises.
The contents of a promise (ie, What) is (very) relevant for Receiver because it relates to the importance of Sender’s promise (eg, job offer, job promotion, or “just” a phone call).
The way the promise was made (ie, How), also determines the quality of the promise. Words on paper may come close to a (legal) commitment.
This Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) quote sums it up nicely:
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
Promises, Promises (1968) by Dionne Warwick
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2, Wiki-3
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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