My recent blog (When is a relationship a relationship?) did not address the cause for this question. I think, feel and believe that this question relates to our changing perception on Freedom. I addressed this issue before in my 2016 blog: Togetherness: “Over the years, my concept of togetherness has evolved from ‘restrictive freedom’ to just ‘freedom’ and then to ‘freedom in unity’.”
In my memories, activities in a relationship have always been jointly. My excuses for not joining such activities were usually not appreciated. In 2009, I enjoyed my first “solo” vacation at the age of 49: a visit with a colleague to a former colleague, who was living in the USA.
I have noticed that many people (myself included) cherish their freedom once they are separated, divorced, or single for a long time. The freedom to do what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. It’s (very) difficult giving up that freedom once you face a new relationship. Hence, the question: When is a relationship a relationship?
To be entirely clear, I have no answer to that question. To some extent, the question is semantics: a relationship is a relationship once you both deem it a relationship. This is similar to the Duck-test: “If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.”
This changing perception on Freedom within relationships, coincides with phase 4 of the main phases (see my 2017 blog on Individualism) of Liberalism:
- Philosophical view on freedom for (certain) humans (eg, Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius);
- Economic view on free markets (eg, Adam Smith, John Maynard Keynes);
- Political view on the (free) rights of citizens vs the State (eg, Johan Rudolph Thorbecke);
- A personal libertarian view on freedom and the right to do whatever you want, whenever you want (eg, divorce rights, feminism, LGBT rights).
When I discussed the topic of this blog (ie, freedom within a relationship) with my girlfriend, she immediately asked me whether I would agree with her going on a solo vacation. In our discussion, the following arguments were mentioned (in alphabetical order):
- agreement based on disinterest in the affairs of the partner;
- agreement based on granting any request to a partner (based on Love);
- non-agreement based on jealousy and/or insecurity of the other partner;
- agreement based on relationship status (eg, no “formal” relationship);
- agreement based on solitude for the other partner;
- agreement based on mutual trust between the partners.
I would have agreed based upon a mix of nearly all of the above arguments.
Me and Bobby McGee (1969) by Kris Kristofferson
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
“Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose”
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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