Two weeks ago, the Dutch newspaper Volkskrant featured an article on why (some) people are sore losers. The explanation was about loss aversion, a concept developed by Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky in 1979, which also plays a role in evolutionary psychology.
The above explanation addresses the original question – why are (some) people sore losers – only to some extent. I don’t like losing either (ie, loss aversion) but I’m not a sore loser. I have learned my limitations in life and usually don’t enter into (highly) competitive games or sports. When I do – and lose – then my expectations come true. Winning brings a brief moment of joy.
I think, feel and believe that the answer to the original question- why are (some) people sore losers – is hidden in the aforementioned paragraph.
Knowing your limitations equals knowing and accepting who you are. Not accepting yourself results in self-overestimation (eg, arrogance) or self-underestimation (eg, low self-esteem). There are many ways to enter a competition in life (eg, rivalry with colleagues, siblings, fellow students, sports team members) and even in death (eg, fighting terminal illness).
How we deal with an outcome of a competition is dependent on how we accept ourselves.
If we overestimate ourselves, disillusion is close. If we underestimate ourselves then we are in for a surprise, and probably also some denial. If we accept ourselves, we will also accept any outcome (draw, loss, win).
Sore losers do not accept the outcome of a competition. Their non-acceptance is rooted in self-overestimation. In other words, sore losers do not accept their limitations and thus – by definition – themselves.
Acceptance is the final phase in the 5 step grief processing model, developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. The first 3 steps of her DABDA model relate to sore losers: (1) Denial, (2) Anger, and (3) Bargaining. The next 2 steps are missing: (4) Depression (or: healing) and (5) Acceptance. During bargaining, the sore loser comes with excuses for her/his underperformance.
Losing might just be due to errors in execution. You can learn from your mistakes and improve your future game. Sore losers will, however, blame anyone but themselves (#3 Bargaining). They have no time for healing as they feel no (self) accountability and/or (self) responsibility. Without healing, there’s no acceptance and sore losers will therefore remain sore losers.
Loser (1993) by Back – artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
0 Comments