Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The Fear of Love

The ending of yesterday’s blog came as a surprise, also to myself. The draft blog initially featured the Fear of Love video below. Suddenly, I realised that Fear of Love might well describe my own behaviour. The entire concept of the Fear of Love is/was new to me. I had always assumed (my 2015 blog) that they are each other’s antidotes.

A 2014 Psychology Today article mentions 7 reasons why “most people are afraid of love”. I can relate to the first 2 of them: (1) Real love makes us feel vulnerable (my blog), and (2) New love stirs up past hurts (my blog).

The same writer, Lisa Firestone, also wrote a subsequent 2014 Psychology Today article: “5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Love” (ie, How).

Her 2nd article contains an interesting line: “The (LO: 1st) blog itself was based on my father Dr. Robert Firestone’s theory of the “fear of intimacy” []”.

Quote: “The Fear of Intimacy describes how we often shun or inadvertently push away the love of others. Many will be surprised to learn that the real resistance to intimacy can’t be attributed to our partners, but from to an enemy lurking within.” 

Quote: “The problem arises when the positive ways a lover sees us conflicts with the negative ways we view ourselves. Though we may not be entirely aware of it on a conscious level, most of us, to some extent, have a of fear of intimacy.” Note: italics by LO.

Lisa Firestone‘s second PT article mentions 2 (out of 5) obstacles that can and should be addressed: (1) “Look at your (childhood) history”, and (2) “Stop listening to your inner critic“. Based on my own experiences, there is indeed reason to find the cause for the Fear of Love (or intimacy) in one’s past (eg, childhood). Furthermore, our subconscious Doubts and Fears indeed feed that “critical inner voice” in our mind.

Removing those obstacles – or fears – is something completely different. As long as we believe in those fears, they feel and are genuine. It takes a set of new Beliefs to remove old Beliefs, and Willpower to execute these new Beliefs. However, any new Belief is short-lived without Faith. Changing your Faith (eg, in Love) might even be worse than dealing with the Fear of Love.

To be continued.

Fear of Love (2012) by Noosa – artistFblyricsvideoWiki


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