You must have heard the expressions “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” (Elite) or “you only miss something once it’s gone” (Quora). I doubt these sayings are completely true. After some reflection, I realised that you can – and will – only miss someone who is/was important to you. Else, you will forget about it/her/him. I’m curious how important I am/was to someone.
It feels like I’m in a time loop, back to 2013/2014, when I had my own burn-out & depression (eg, my 2017 blog, my 2016 blog, my 2015 blog). This time, I’m a spectator. One of its common characteristics is that you push people away who care about you. It’s easier feeling sorry for yourself when you’re all alone. A friend may tell you the truth. Pushing your friend away is like pushing that truth away. What remains is a victim role, full of grief & sorrow and self-pity.
A burn-out & depression is a balancing act between self-destruction and self-preservation. Some people opt for the “easy” way out. I think, feel and believe that it is the hardest decision ever. Others will want to climb back after hitting rock bottom. This climbing does, however, not follow a straight road. It’s like a chess move: 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
The essential question to ask yourself is: Who am I? Forget about what roles you play (eg, at home, at work). A next tough question is: do you like/love the person you are? This answer is likely to be negative. A burn-out & depression is probably about overdue personal Change. The Body suffers from a heated conflict between Mind and Soul. It feels like Chaos.
Pushing people away might actually be part of self-preservation. I think, feel and believe that answers can only arrive in solitude. I doubt that answers can – let alone will – arrive in loneliness. It’s a common mistake confusing loneliness with solitude. I love my solitude and fear loneliness (eg, my September blog, my March blog).
In the aftermath of my 2013 burn-out & depression, I noticed that material belongings have become less and less important to me. The number of items that I must keep in the future, is still decreasing in my mind. The appeal of a tiny house is increasing. I have also noticed that immaterial items (eg, faith, hope & love, and wisdom) are still becoming more important to me.
After having, quite literally, survived my 2013 burn-out & depression, I can now safely say that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Obviously, hindsight is 20/20 vision. Basically, I have reinvented myself. I like the new me (much) better than the old me. The old me is still around. In certain situations, the old me reappears. It’s funny to notice.
I believe that people whom – and things that – are important to us will always be missed, whether still around or permanently gone. Some may call this Love (eg, agape / Deity, others).
“Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can’t understand it.”
A quote from Interstellar (eg, IMDb).
People I Belong To (1978) by Gino Vannelli
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-artist, Wiki-album+song
I know this world won’t change for me
The special things in life are free
I’ve always known and understood
There are people I belong to, for good
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise
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