You must have heard the expressions “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” (Elite) or “you only miss something once it’s gone” (Quora). I doubt these sayings are completely true. After some reflection, I realised that you can – and will – only miss someone who is/was important to you. Else, you will forget about it/her/him. I’m curious how important I am/was to someone.
It feels like I’m in a time loop, back to 2013/2014, when I had my own burn-out/depression (my 2017 blog, my 2016 blog, my 2015 blog). This time, I am a spectator. One of its common characteristics is that you push people away who care about you. It’s easier feeling sorry for yourself when you’re all alone. A friend may tell you the truth. Pushing your friend away is like pushing that truth away. What remains is a victim role, full of grief, sorrow and self-pity.
A burn-out/depression is a balancing act between self-destruction and self-preservation (my 2017 blog). Some people opt for the “easy” way out. I think, feel and believe that it is the hardest decision ever. Others will want to climb back after hitting rock bottom. This climbing does, however, not follow a straight road. It’s like a chess move: 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
The essential question to ask yourself is: Who am I? Forget about what roles you play (eg, at home, at work). A next tough question is: do you like/love the person you are? This answer is likely to be negative. A burnout/depression is probably about overdue personal Change. The Body suffers from a heated conflict between Mind and Soul. It feels like Chaos.
Pushing people away might actually be part of self-preservation. I think, feel and believe that answers can only arrive in solitude. I doubt that answers can – let alone will – arrive in loneliness. It’s a common mistake confusing loneliness with solitude (my blogs). I love solitude and fear loneliness (my September blog, my March blog).
In the aftermath of my 2013 burnout/depression, I noticed that material belongings have become less and less important to me. The number of items that I must keep in the future, is still decreasing in my mind. The appeal of a “tiny house” is increasing. I have also noticed that immaterial items (eg, faith, hope, love, wisdom) are still becoming more important to me.
After having, quite literally, survived my 2013 burnout/depression, I can now safely say that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Obviously, hindsight is 20/20 vision. Basically, I have reinvented myself. I like the new me (much) better than the old me. The old me is still around. In certain situations, the old me reappears. It’s funny to notice.
I believe that people whom – and things that – are important to us will always be missed, whether still around or permanently gone. Some may call this Love (eg, Deity, others).
“Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can’t understand it.” A quote from Interstellar (IMDb).
People I Belong To (1978) by Gino Vannelli – artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
I know this world won’t change for me
The special things in life are free
I’ve always known and understood
There are people I belong to, for good
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