Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Use somebody

Women are accusing men (eg, Harvey Weinstein). Women also accuse women for sleeping with men to get ahead in life (eg, BI-2010, Forbes-2012, Guardian-2011, Telegraph-2013, WaPo-2017). Men are accusing men (eg, Kevin Spacey). Sometimes, men accuse women of sexual harassment (eg, 1994 book and movie Disclosure). In this movie, writer Michael Crichton uses a crucial quote: “Sexual harassment is not about sex. It is about power. She has it; you don’t.”

In 2011, Dr Catherine Hakim, a sociologist at the London School of Economics, wrote a book entitled Honey Money: The power of erotic capitalGuardian, 2011: “A controversial new book by an LSE academic has caused quite a storm with its suggestion that women should exploit their appearance to get ahead.” In 2011, her view was considered controversial. In 2017, her view was already labelled misogyny, a.k.a. hatred of women (my blog).

My main worry is that the #MeToo campaign paints women as victims and men as perpetrators. This oversimplification – once again – fits the (extreme) beliefs of today’s society. Victim roles are also dangerous as they feel comfortable and are hard to escape from. Perps know they are perps. Men who are not perps, will feel confused.

It’s important to realise that different societies have different stages in my concept of Needs, Wants & Beliefs. African societies are mostly still in the Needs stage. China is mostly in the Wants stage. Western societies are migrating from Wants to Beliefs. In Africa and China, the view of Dr Catherine Hakim would appeal (much) more than the #MeToo campaign.

Ironically, the view on sex seems to follow my Needs, Wants & Beliefs concept. Originally, sex is for propagation (Needs). Throughout human history, sex has also been a bartering tool (Wants) and a weapon (eg, antiquityArab slave tradeISILsexual slaveryVikingsWiki). Hence, prostitution is deemed to be the world’s “oldest profession“.

In the Beliefs stage of Western societies, sex is now being used as an overt weapon. A decade before, sex was still a covert weapon in the Western bedroom in which partners either take or deny each other sex in a struggle for power, retaliation, revenge or whatever. In other words: sex as a tool in the balance of Power between the sexes (Beliefs).

In my 2017 blog on Advantage vs Empathy, I concluded that “Our relentless efforts in gaining advantage (eg, Knowledge, Power), might be what really separates humans from anything else on this planet.” Let me paraphrase those words in this context: humans always use somebody in order to get advantage. All crimes and most of human behaviour are rooted in this.

Usually both parties use each other for gaining advantage. In the absence of a level playing field, Power is the dominating factor. However, Power is always temporary. Someday, the roles may reverse and bring revenge & retaliation. In the absence of consensual adults, using somebody would often constitute a crime.

One could argue that little has changed since Julius Caesar spoke the famous words: “Et tu, Brute?

Use Somebody (2008) by Kings of Leon – artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street


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