Since last Tuesday, I haven’t been alone. It has been impossible for me to write anything. The mere presence of another human being – whether silent or talking – blocks my writing. When my guest was away one day, I was able to write 2 blogs: part 6 and part 7of Needs-Wants-Beliefs. While I am writing this blog, my guest is again away. This episode has taught me a few lessons.
My 2nd relationship ended mid 2014. I haven’t had a long-lasting relationship since. At first, that situation was by choice because I was still recovering from the break-up. Subsequently, I assumed I was ready to enter into a new relationship. Since last month, my doubts have re-emerged. I realised this when I felt relieved when something did not happen which I had hoped for.
My solitude allows me to wander into my mind about the things that puzzle me in life, nature and the universe. Each day, I learn and grow a little bit. That feeling is priceless. I now realise that I’m not (yet) willing to give up on my self-chosen solitude. Perhaps even never. For many years, I enjoyed my life at stage 2 – consumerism or Wants. My arrival at stage 3 – spiritual growth or Beliefs – is relatively new and I’m not willing to leave it – yet.
Time plays a peculiar role in my life. When I am aware and conscious of “time” then I get anxious to get things done. This feeling, however, blocks me entirely in my writing. Only when I lose touch with “time” then I’m able to find my “flow“, which brings me the words to put on paper. I’ve noticed that solitude provides the best circumstances to find my “flow”.
I have always liked learning, ever since I was a child. I stopped learning at 30 because it was no longer possible to combine it with work and family. It felt egocentric to let family and work suffer from my eagerness to learn.
Back then I was merely learning facts (known knowns). Today, it feels like exploring unknown territory: intuition (unknown knowns), beliefs (known unknowns) and imagination (unknown unknowns).
The Chinese thinker and philosopher Confucius once wrote this on the importance of learning:
– “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”
– “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”
– “He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.”
I am confident that loneliness will find its way back to me during the forthcoming holiday season (eg, Christmas, New Year’s Eve). Nevertheless, someone once said – or wrote – that these holidays are just 3 days in an entire year. I will survive.
Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive (1978) – artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
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