Lately, I have used the word “denial” quite often. It took me some time finding my 4 August 2015 blog on Denial. After re-reading that blog, I felt it needed an overhaul as it didn’t cover some angles. Hence, I prepared a diagram to explain the various angles of denial. Please picture the outcome of the 2016 American Presidential election while examining this diagram.
It’s important to realise that there are 2 types of denial:
– Denial: does Reality match my Expectations? No = grief and delayed acceptance.
– Deep denial: does Reality match my Beliefs? No = non acceptance.
Denial is a temporary phenomenon as most people tend to accept the truth after an initial outburst of anger, bargaining, and depression. Denial is the 1st stage of the Kübler-Ross model of processing grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance – or DABDA. The grief is caused by high expectations and shattering reality. The higher the expectations, the more grief.
Deep denial is a (semi) permanent state in which reality is not accepted as it does not match the Truth in which the person believes. This Truth is one of the extreme beliefs in my concept of the 7 Belief systems. People in deep denial use psychological “tools” to cope with daily life: (1) use of conspiracy theories when the Truth relates to others, and (2) use of reverse psychology and projection when the Truth relates to oneself. These “tools” allow people to continue “functioning” in society.
It’s important to realise that Reality is restricted, both in Time and Space, to known knowns (ie, facts, history). Reality does not cover known unknowns (ie, opinions, myths), unknown knowns (ie, intuition, legends) and certainly not unknown unknowns (ie, imagination). Future new data can – and thus will – create new Realities (eg, the 1615 trial of Galileo Galilei on heliocentrism).
Suddenly I remember a quote from a Lisa Stansfield song – Change: “Believing is the answer, the answer to all your fears”. This song line makes me realise that I need to update my 25 April diagram in my 28 April 2016 blog – Sometimes Love is not enough.
I think, feel and believe that I finally see the essence now; see my updated diagram to the right. Faith – or Beliefs – is our human core and governed by Hope, Trust, Love, Doubt, Fear and Despair.
Denial does not affect these fundamentals. Deep denial is similar to clinging on to your fundamentals.
Changing your belief is a very difficult process and sometimes necessary to survive. Else you drown.
Can you follow me out to the water?
I can show you we’re sinking deeper
Let me know
Cause I’m drowning for ya