Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

What Men Want (1) – I Feel Love

10 September 2016


This week, I watched the 2001 movie Someone Like You (IMDb). An alternative title could have been: What Men Want. In a way, this 2001 movie is the opposite of the 2000 movie: What Women Want (IMDb). Often this topic is about a male perspective on women, or a female perspective on men. This blog is a male perspective on what men want. 

The 2001 movie introduces the Old Cow / New Cow theory: Men are like bulls and only interested in the next new cow to plant their seed. I’m sure there are men who fit this theory, either temporary or even permanent. There must also be women who fit the reverse of this theory. If this theory had any validity, today’s society would look very different than it actually does.

A “grass is greener at the neighbours” theory seems more relevant to me. It fits a recent astute observation by a former girlfriend: “Men love with their head and women with their heart.” I think, feel and believe this is indeed the heart of the matter when it comes to male-female differences in loving. Her remark also reminds me of my 13 May 2015 blog: The 7 stages of love – for men.

I suppose that men are always comparing women to establish that they are still better off than their “neighbours”. The flip side of that coin is “buyer’s remorse”. This male comparison is very subjective and ultimately along 3 dimensions: emotional, intellectual and physical attraction. Each man applies different weight factors. Those weight factors evolve over time given personal (male) maturity.

It often takes “several” girlfriends to calibrate these weight factors and finding out that Mrs. Perfect (from the movies) doesn’t exist. For some men, it’s a never-ending search for the optimal combination of emotional, intellectual and physical attraction. Some men may even realise that a previous girlfriend came closer to their image of Mrs. Perfect. That’s where “buyer’s remorse” kicks in.

Moving on to a next relationship is the hardest part. It may take years to leave a bad relationship. Alternatively, it may take years to forget about a (broken) good relationship. Bad memories fade away in our minds; good memories are stored in our hearts forever.

I am still digesting the meaning of a quote by Yasmin Mogahed: “The mind replays what the heart cannot delete”. (picture)

She might be referring to What-If questions or to their underlying dimensions – Doubt, Fear, Faith and Hope – that wander in our mind when we think about love. She might also be referring to Regret and/or Remorse following “buyer’s remorse”.

Once I did love with my heart. It felt very good but it didn’t last long. It seems that loving with your head lasts much longer, at least in my case. Perhaps it’s another example of symmetry and balance between men and women.

To me, thinking about love is like playing a mind game with yourself and one that you can never win. Sometimes, I envy women who can just feel Love.

Donna Summer – I feel Love (1977) – artistlyricsvideoWiki-1Wiki-2 


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