In the night of 7 November 2016, it soon became clear that Hillary had won with a landslide. On Tuesday 8 November 2016, the headlines of most newspapers read: YOU ARE FIRED !!! There had been little doubt about this headline. After Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter, the new You Are Fired movement had found its way to the streets, after a new round of insults by The Donald.
That same week, many people started filing lawsuits against Donald Trump. For emotional damage, for lost revenue, and even for treason. Pending court cases were suddenly settled and usually not in favour of The Donald. The Trump Family got cold feet and started liquidating assets and tried to move assets abroad. Administrative “issues” popped up wherever his name was listed.
When the news got out that Donald Trump was about to flee America, crowds appeared on Main Street and Wall Street, cheering and chanting the Beatles song “Back to the USSR“. Finding a refuge wasn’t easy however. Donald Trump had starred in his version of the movie “How to Lose Friends & Alienate People” (IMDb). This time the movie was not funny, at least for him.
Mexico was the first – and only – country to offer the Trump Family a place to stay: a large villa with a huge wall around it. The villa’s location in Juárez, on the Mexican-US border, was no coincidence. Its reputation mirrored Trump’s insults to Mexicans. The Mexican parliament agreed to amend to their Law of 6 April 1830 which had outlawed further immigration of US citizens into Mexico. Everyone agreed that the Mexicans had cojones and a great sense of humour.
One of Trump’s great deceptions was the loss of his bromance with the Russian President. Moscow was however still pissed with The Donald’s denial of their efforts to hand him the US Presidency. Especially, Trump’s “sarcastic” comment had not been received well in Moscow. Like the Germans, the Russians were not known for their sense of humour.
The Turkish President had been quite rude to Donald Trump Jr when Jr asked for asylum for Sr. Jr was asked whether the news about the “most powerful VP offer” had been true. Jr acknowledged. The Turkish President then used a John Wayne quote and said that being President “is a dirty job, but someone has got to do it” and had hung up on Jr.
Several Chinese had called the Trump Family and asked to speak to Mr. Tang Chuangpo. Most family members had just assumed that Malia and Sasha were using a prank on Melania. Melania however assumed that “bed broken” was just another reference to Marco Rubio’s comment and who still likes to compare the size of Donald’s hands to his Boris Johnson.
Today, Donald is living happily ever with his daughter Ivanka. He claims he is finally dating her. The city of Juárez is still a little confused over the name of his villa: Su Casa es Mi Casa. Half of the city claims it reflects his business ethics. The other half is finding excuses for his behaviour. Little has changed. Donald is still tweeting but this time at real birds. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar claims Donald Trump doesn’t even know the difference.
Melania divorced Donald shortly after his 2016 defeat and cashed her fat cheque. She went back to Slovenia, and finally got her degree. Donald Jr followed her as he is secretly in love with Melania. He still struggles with the concept of plagiarism.
Inspired by Andy Horowitz and his satirical Horowitz Report
Cool Uncle – Game Over (2016) – artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
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