There is a widespread rumour in the Republican Party that the devil went down to New York and knocked on Hillary’s door. She was offered the US Presidency in exchange for being his loyal servant. What few people know is that Huma stormed into Hillary’s bedroom at that very moment, while screaming at her and him: “NOT ANOTHER MAN !!!”.
Huma had scared the devil out of him. The devil couldn’t risk putting up a fight with Islam himself. He had to find a fool to do his dirty work and who would do the job for free (lyrics, video). When he entered his 5 star Trump International Hotel, he finally realised the answer. The devil wondered how to deal with the guy’s narcism as The Donald was indeed rather full of himself.
Donald Trump quickly agreed to the devil’s offer to become the 45th President of the United States of America without giving much attention to its preconditions. Donald even boasted to the devil that his real family name – Drumpf – showed some similarities to the devil’s family name. The devil wondered if this guy was joking or for real.
The devil explained the preconditions to Donald as he had done earlier to David Duke and other notorious fear mongers. The devil stressed to Donald it was essential that minorities be blamed. Donald had just answered: “No problemo, which ones?” Let’s start with the Hispanics, the devil had replied, and focus on Catholic Mexico first. “Can I build a wall?”, Trump had asked. It had immediately occurred to Donald that using public money for repaying private debts was an excellent business opportunity like he had done with his casinos earlier.
The devil asked Donald Trump whether he had any moral decency that would prevent him from attacking and blaming others. Draft dodging Donald boasted to the devil that he was willing to blame war heroes for being captured by the enemy, and wouldn’t mind attacking the parents of fallen soldiers and challenging their sacrifices.
The devil asked Donald Trump if he was really sure about these requests from him. Donald Trump then stressed to the devil: “I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot.”
The devil was now convinced that he had made a mistake by meeting this narcissistic nutcase. This guy was just an idiot that would even do this job for free. He realised that he needed someone to help this clown. His memories went back to the 19th/20th century and his old friend Grigori. Perhaps his mysterious great-grandson would be willing to lend this fool a hand.
Donald rambled on for 75 minutes without making much sense. He ended by saying that he “humbly and gratefully” accepted the devil’s offer. The devil looked at Donald Trump with bewilderment and suddenly wondered if God could be pulling a prank on him. Donald’s ignorance is fine with him but his arrogance and ignorance is a scary combination. The devil quickly packed his bags and returned to Georgia.
Charlie Daniels Band – The devil went down to Georgia (1979)
artists, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Note: Inspired by Andy Horowitz and his satirical Horowitz Report and Roger Simon
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