Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The rollercoaster of Solitude and Loneliness

I am once again at the intersection of solitude and loneliness. Perhaps a rollercoaster (NL: achtbaan) is a much better image. In general, I cherish my solitude, I sincerely do. Especially when I’m writing, reading or thinking, I really do not like to be disturbed. By anyone. However, at times my thinking becomes overthinking and then my comfortable feeling of solitude turns into an uncomfortable feeling of loneliness, and subsequently of feeling incomplete.

Loneliness makes you want to reach out to people. However, people have the habit of disappointing me and thus solitude makes perfect sense – to me. Disappointments are often the result of our own expectations. I doubt that mine are ridiculously high though. It’s just that people of my age often have lots of emotional baggage and are no longer willing to compromise.

This emotional baggage often includes a fair share of disappointments with health, life, love, work or whatever. Not dealing with these disappointments is likely to cause an increasing level of irritation, then frustration, and ultimately plain anger. This aggressiveness in disappointed people is often close to the surface. One misplaced word may invoke rage. I have been there myself – once.

My occasional reaching out to women is of a mixed nature. To some extent it’s even like a toxic addiction: you know it’s bad for you but you do it anyway (eg, smoking). I know that failure is probably waiting for me again but my eagerness to find someone compatible is even stronger. And even in case of failure, the upside is a new blog and the downside are new teardrops.

The compatibility issue is an interesting one. I know that I am physically attracted to a certain type of women – for whatever reason. Nevertheless, I would mention very different elements when it comes to compatibility. In general, the 7 elements of a successful relationship are far more important to me than her looks: communication, forgiveness, intimacy, respect, togetherness, trust, and vulnerability. An image tells me little to nothing about these 7 drivers.

What remains is a “trial and error” approach. The “error” result is often my start of a new period of solitude. A renewed “trial” is often related to ups – or downs – in my rollercoaster of solitude and loneliness. It’s interesting to notice and realise that dating is nothing else than the fundamental human method of solving problems: a “trial and error” approach (Wiki).

I am very reluctant to let my life be ruled by Fear. My Piscean-Rat personality lets me deal with Doubts in an effective manner. Being a Believer, now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love but the greatest of these is Love (Corinthians 13:13).

Syreeta Wright – Let me be the one (you need) (1980) – artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

May not know enough about you, babe

That can only come in time

I only know enough to make you stay

On my mind


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