In yesterday’s blog I introduced a term without any explanation: togetherness. This term does not even have a Wikipedia page, only a reference to another term: solidarity. The Cambridge Online Dictionary gives the following meaning: “the pleasant feeling of being united with other people in friendship and understanding”, while the Oxford online dictionary says: “The state of being close to another person or other people”. I think and feel that the latter one is more appropriate.
I suppose that togetherness gives one the feeling that “we are in it together – for better and worse, through thick and thin”. That feeling isn’t necessarily pleasant though. It’s much more about commitment and determination. It is a feeling of a deep emotional bond. What (wedding or friendship) rings express on the outside, togetherness expresses on the inside.
Ideally, togetherness is also like synergy, a concept which is usually expressed by the equation: 1+1=3. Wikipedia: Synergy is the creation of a whole that is greater than the simple sum of its parts. The term synergy comes from the Greek word synergia/synergos, meaning “working together”.
To me, togetherness and solitude feel like Yin and Yang, opposite forces that complement each other. My 10 April 2015 blog said: “In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang describes how apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another”. (Wiki)
Togetherness versus solitude is ultimately about balancing the time spent together versus apart. Both are equally important. When you’re together your mind may wander off to being alone again, and when you’re alone your mind will wander off to being with her (him) again.
Couples have a different way of spending time together, either it is a mutual conscious choice or someone just takes the lead in the couple and the other one just follows in a rather compliant / docile / obedient way (NL: volgzaam). Latter will ultimately cause frustration with the other person as there is little to no room for that person’s preferences.
The Dutch expressions “vrijheid in gebondenheid” (“restrictive freedom”) versus “vrijheid in verbondenheid” (“freedom in unity”) may explain the subtle difference. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find similar subtle English equivalents. The key word in both Dutch expressions is the center word “bond“. However, a bond can be restrictive in nature (eg, handcuffs) and can also represent a unity (eg, a friendship ring).
Over the years, my concept of togetherness has evolved from ‘restrictive freedom’ to just ‘freedom’ and then to ‘freedom in unity’. Ultimately, I know I need a friend, someone I can talk to and who will understand what I’m going through (adaptation from Glenn Frey’s song below).
The concept of togetherness is also reflected in Don Henley’s words of farewell after Monday’s death of Glenn Frey: “I’m not sure I believe in fate, but I know that crossing paths with Glenn Lewis Frey in 1970 changed my life forever, and it eventually had an impact on the lives of millions of other people all over the planet. It will be very strange going forward in a world without him in it. But, I will be grateful, every day, that he was in my life.” (The Guardian)
R.I.P. Glenn Frey (1948-2016) – The One You Love (1982) – artist, lyrics, Wiki
I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you’re going through
When it comes to love, there’s no easy answer
Only you can say what you’re gonna do
Your heart keeps sayin’ it’s just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin’ back to the one you love?
Someone’s gonna cry when they know they’ve lost you
Someone’s gonna thank the stars above
0 Comments