A recent Expanded Conscious blog raised an awfully familiar question: Why are we attracted to people who are wrong for us? My research revealed many attempts to answer this question. All these attempts focus on different parts of a complex equation. That is why I decided to visualise the equation on paper. Here is the result.
I think this is the most simple visualisation as it should be easy to add more relevant factors in this equation. This visual also suggests a heritage component (eg, sins of the father). This visual also deliberately suggests that it is more likely to have success in relationships if/when our childhood experiences were positive (eg, happy) – and vice versa.
Based on my personal experience, I think and feel that a recalibration process is essential to overcome this ongoing repetitive cycle of being attracted to people who are wrong for us. Nevertheless, this recalibration process is far from easy. I am still not sure whether I have actually fully understood where I went wrong.
One of the articles made a similar comment: “The truth is, I still don’t think I’ve come to a solid conclusion. There are so many subconscious things that attract us to a person, it’s impossible, really, to have a full understanding of what motivates any of us. Looking back on my past experiences, however, I was able to find a common denominator: How I felt about myself”. (RC Theriault)
I think and feel that the link between the ‘mom (dad) role model’ and the ‘partner role model’ is the most difficult one to understand in the recalibration process. The ‘mom (dad) role model’ feeds our choices for a partner in almost mysterious ways. And it seems to be hidden deep down in our subconscious. Finding out how the ‘mom (dad) role model’ has flawed our ‘partner role model’ may be the biggest challenge in our recalibration process.
This time, I let someone else pick me and I have consciously decided not to let my ‘partner role model’ overrule her choice of a match. And I know that it would have. So far this “experiment” has worked remarkably well. To some extent, she is even the – positive – version of a previous partner for whom I still care – somehow. I’m glad that my recalibration needed some finetuning rather than heavy maintenance. And let’s not forget: I have the right to be wrong. My mistakes will make me strong.
Joss Stone – Right to Be Wrong (2004) – artist, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
I’ve got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I’m stepping out into the great unknown
I’m feeling wings though I’ve never flown
I’ve got a mind of my own
I’m flesh and blood to the bone
I’m not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
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