Last Sunday evening, I experienced a new feeling which can only be described by the odd looking words “palpable emptiness” – or in Dutch: “voelbare leegte”. In itself these words appear contradicting: How can you feel an emptiness? This feeling of palpable emptiness clearly felt different from missing someone or longing to be close with someone – at that very moment.
Frankly, I assumed this feeling was unique. I couldn’t even figure out how to translate the Dutch words “voelbare leegte” into English. Nevertheless, Google Translation immediately came up with the words “palpable emptiness”. I wondered about the correctness of this translation and did an additional Google search on these 2 words. To my surprise, my feeling is far from unique.
Please don’t get me wrong as I still enjoy my solitude. It allows me to do the things I love (eg, writing) and like (eg, listening, reading, watching) and in the order of my liking. Yet Sunday evening, these activities felt inappropriate as if my priorities were wrong. The song that sprang to mind that evening was the Burt Bacharach / Elvis Costello classic “This House Is Empty Now” (lyrics).
I didn’t really like this feeling of palpable emptiness. Perhaps as I (sub)consciously realised that I was getting dependent on someone else’s presence. While writing this blog, I suddenly also realise its link to concepts like “togetherness” and “vulnerability”. Please also see my blogs of 19 January 2016 and 20 January 2016.
Palpable emptiness often has a negative connotation in psychology. Latter is well illustrated by this Gloria Smith quote: “Sometimes the emptiness in a room becomes palpable as if you could reach out and touch it real, hear its silence, feel its black nothingness. It invades your spirit, your soul like a stealthy misperception; a liquid lie that whispers and will not die, and makes you fight to stay alive.”
Notwithstanding this negative connotation with depression, there is another way to look at this. A feeling of palpable emptiness may also reflect a deep connection with someone else. In that context, it would express the element of togetherness in the 7 elements for a truly unique relationship, being: communication, forgiveness, intimacy, respect, togetherness, trust, and vulnerability.
So far, this new feeling is not an overwhelming one. I do think – and feel – that this new experience is a recurring one, which is slowly getting stronger, although its frequency is still quite mild. Hence, I think I may be able to contain it. I have never really been someone with high peaks and low valleys in my emotions. Learning to control my emotions has taken away a lot of its inflammability and intensity (eg, PT). I do acknowledge that there is a flip side to that coin (eg, spontaneity).
Later that Sunday evening, I decided to share this new feeling with my new best friend. Her only comment to me was: “Beautiful!”. And I must agree.
Whitesnake – Is this love (that I’m feeling) – 1987 – artists, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Is this love that I’m feeling,
Is this the love, that I’ve been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
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