Last Friday, I noticed an intriguing post in Facebook from Expanded Consciousness: “Why highly intelligent people struggle to find love”, written by Justin Gammill (see his blog and article). His article felt strangely familiar. Justin gives three main reasons why highly intelligent people have a harder time falling in love: They are more analytical, more guarded and single by choice.
Intelligent people tend to have better foresight. Foresight, in and of itself, is basically just the ability to analyze a situation, recall relevant past experiences, and make an educated assessment of the future possibilities of the situation. Apply that mentality to a relationship and you get situations where smarter people are quicker to duck out of a relationship at the first sign of trouble. (JG)
Another side-effect of relying on experience when it comes to love is that intelligent people tend to be way more guarded. They have a harder time opening up because that analytical brain never stops reflecting back on past situations where they opened up to someone, and ultimately got hurt in the process. For this reason, other people assume the person is cold or distant, two characteristics no one wants in a partner. (JG)
Highly intelligent people think analytically, even when it comes to things like relationships. Therefore, intelligent people realize that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. It’s a rational, thought-out decision. So, in essence, most really smart people are single because they want to be. It is a rational, thought out decision – not a circumstance of their situation. (JG)
I am afraid that Justin is right in his observations. Actually, the situation is even far worse when I add some of the more relevant observations from a Huffington Post article by Dr Ali Binazir: “Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up”, and “by virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet’s inhabitants as a dating prospect”.
An article in Higher Perspective (5 Reasons Why Intelligent People Have The Hardest Time Finding Love) gives a nice summary about smart people: too analytical, better be alone than with a wrong partner, relationships often end, you tend to be intimidating, you know to protect yourself.
The above has even resulted in 2 “new” words in the female – rather than male – domain: sapiosexual and dating down. The former has been the topic of my 27 August 2015 blog. The latter is – to a large extent – the female answer to the scarce sources regarding the former. The concept of “dating down” is explained in these articles: Dr Marcia Reynolds, Cosmopolitan.
The above may even explain my mother’s remark on a new relationship after my 2010-2014 one had crashed: “It will not be easy for you.” Nevertheless, I am also slowly accepting the underlying truth in a conclusion by my former partner. Even if I would choose to be single again, there will always be women who are willing to smoke me out of my self-chosen solitude as intelligence is an aphrodisiac to women.
For me, the trade-off between being together or alone is – and remains – a difficult one.
Neil Diamond – Solitary Man (1966) – artist, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Don’t know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who’ll stay
And won’t play games behind me
I’ll be what I am
A solitary man, solitary man
Johnny Cash – Solitary Man (1966) – artist, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Chris Isaak – Solitary Man (1966) – artist, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
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