Perhaps this is a weird question to many people. Well, count your blessings! For some people, including me, this question is far from obvious. I have asked myself this question given certain of my recent blogs. I do not have an answer as I may be in denial (again). A few days after I wondered about this rather theoretical question, two other people confronted me with the very same question. The first confrontation was somewhat painful. The second time I was prepared and on guard.
I do need to know the answer to this question, if only to stop making further mistakes. Several years ago, I was in deep denial about having loved someone. My mind said it wasn’t possible in such a short timeframe. Despite that rational denial, my heartache lasted for many months. At some point, I gave up denying and acknowledged the assertion of having loved her.
During that process of giving up denying, I received an interesting explanation for my deep denial: I have never really known what love is – without getting in too much detail right here, right now. I just suppose that I do not recognise ‘love’ and – worse – that I have plain denied, and still deny, that it has happened to me. This situation has to stop as it’s blocking my progress.
Somehow, I feel that this question is much more likely to come from a male than a female. Reasons for that include the typical male upbringing, our inability to give birth, and perhaps most of all the existence – or absence – of role models. We only learn through education and experience. If you have not “learned” about love, how can you even recognise it??
The problem is usually that you only realise what you miss after it’s gone. Also see the YouTube videos and lyrics of Dutch bands like: Bløf – Dichterbij dan ooit, De Dijk – Als ze er niet is, Is Ook Schitterend – Voltooid Verleden Tijd. Or Linkin Park‘s Until It’s Gone and Counting Crow‘s Big Yellow Taxi.
My challenge is to realise what I would miss before it’s gone. My mind says that it can’t be that difficult to learn this. And I trust this message. I think and feel that I am already applying what I have learned. Perhaps as I stopped fighting myself and just “go with the flow” of things in life – nowadays.
I’m wondering if this is what the new hypes – self-compassion and mindfulness – are all about. In that case, I will gladly join.
It has taken me many, many years to answer the question – I Want To Know What Love Is – but slowly I am getting there. It’s really never ever too late to learn.
Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is (1984) – artists, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
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