Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

Censorship in online dating

30 December 2015


To my surprise there is actually censorship in online dating – by the website and by its members. Recently, I received a rather harsh private reply to my public online dating profile. The private reply was actually a very interesting one: I needed to change my public profile text as it was much too personal, and I had to throw out 3 out of my 4 (favourite) pictures. Perhaps then I would stand a chance in online dating, according to her. She also added that she was already active for 4 years and had had 13 dates. I replied to her that her advice to me apparently did not work well for herself.

I did amend my profile with a public response to all women out there. My key message was: If you pretend to be someone else than you you really are then you must expect disappointments in real life dating. However, later that day my public profile text was partially deleted by the website. Clearly, I was not allowed to express any kind of criticism. I reinstalled my old profile text of several days ago and added a note that my previous text had been deleted by the website and that criticism was clearly not allowed here. Within minutes that additional note was deleted by the website.

This experience is actually becoming a very interesting one. Obviously, the website is a commercial business and needs paying clients. You get 3 free contacts after registering. I used them all the next day. Two out of three did not respond to my message so far. One did review my profile again. The third one replied that she was already busy with developing other contacts and subsequently sent another message that I also did not fit her profile. I replied that I appreciated her honesty.

The longer people stay active on this website, the better for the website. A website without many active members will soon lose its remaining members and will then be out of business. Essentially, there is a need for a large active pool of members. To some extent, the success of its members is a loss for the website. In that view, it makes perfect sense that any criticism is censored away. It may actually make people consider what they are doing there.

Essentially, the female member profiles all look and feel the same. Each profile provides a collection of self-censored positive personality traits. After reading several of these profile texts, you stop bothering reading the others. You just focus on the pictures as it is more difficult to hide the truth in pictures. Some of these women look plain arrogant, some eternally sad, some provide far away views, and some actually dare to show their eyes – the mirror of their soul.

SPOILER ALERT: The female target is often a man whom I have never met or seen in my entire life. Apart from in the movies or in TV commercials. In that context, it is logical that women need many dates to find an 80% match. For a man it is much easier: there are women for short term affairs and other women. It is not unlikely that the first group gets most male attention. Essentially, an online dating service is a perfect database for getting short term affairs. The danger is that you may fall in love. Nevertheless, you can’t really lose, as a man.

Showing the real me in my profile text, my messages, and also in my telephone call was clearly not appreciated. Somehow I feel that it scares women. They claim that they like sensitive men but do they really? As Paris Hilton once stated: “Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.”

The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now (1982) – artists, lyrics, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Darlin’ you got to let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

If you say that you are mine

I’ll be here ’til the end of time

So you got to let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

It’s always tease tease tease

You’re happy when I’m on my knees

One day is fine and next is black

So if you want me off your back

Well come on an’ let me know

Should I Stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

An’ if I stay it will be double

So come on and let me know

This indecision’s buggin’ me

If you don’t want me, set me free

Exactly whom I’m supposed to be


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