Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans


7 October 2015


This morning I read some messages which I am not supposed to read. A certain password still hasn’t been changed. Even though I don’t even know this password, the keychain of my browser does remember. Reading these messages infuriated me. I felt a feeling that is very unwelcome: hatred. This negative feeling has been consuming my thoughts for almost an hour. I’m trying to block it.

For years, I have been saying that you can only hate someone if you also love(d) that person. This statement is now back into my face and feels very confusing. The other person in those messages seems to be a Judas Iscariot. I have no clue to whom that person is really telling the truth. It’s not a big deal anyway as I have never been genuinely interested in knowing that person.

My 12 April 2015 blog, which was about a new classification for human emotions and corresponding facial expressions, classifies love and hate as opposite long term emotions. A genuine feeling of hatred may well mask a hidden love. Some kinds of homophobia actually mask such a hidden love. A 1996 study even states: “Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies.” (NCBI)

My feeling of (heterosexual) hatred may well disguise emotions about which I am in denial. It may sound weird but I hate this feeling of hatred as it’s like a poison for which an antidote is hard to find. I hope and trust that the keyword in this feeling is genuine. In that case, I was just angry and upset. If not, then I have a serious issue to deal with. Denial is a very strong emotion. Also see my 4 August 2015 blog on this issue.

Hatred exists and has to be acknowledged or its power persists. It’s not the same thing as ‘evil’ which is usually describes a cold-blooded moral choice. Hatred is passionate. Hatred is what we feel when our love appears to be rejected: when we reach out and no one’s there, when we call out and no one answers, when we love and our love isn’t reciprocated, when we hope and our hopes are dashed. (PT)

Hatred is defensive. It’s safer to hate than to carry on loving and risk the humiliation of that love being rejected. When [..] people’s love is rejected, they hate themselves for having loved in the first place. They hate the impulse that leaves them vulnerable and they try to crush that impulse [..]. (PT)

When any relationship ends, it’s not uncommon for one or both partners to feel intense hatred for the other at some point. Some people feel intense dislike for their spouse even before their marriage ends. There are several reasons this can occur. They may feel this when they believe their trust has been betrayed. Or they may feel it as a response to a great deal of mental or emotional damage experienced during their marital relationship, which may continue happening until they decide to divorce. Some people need to feel this hatred in order to justify leaving the relationship. Their intense anger is used to separate (or even repel) them from their spouse. PsychologyToday

Only when you reach the place called indifference will you know that you are on the other side of the healing process. When you are indifferent [..] you will know that you’ve worked through the pain that you experienced [..]. You can’t will yourself to be in indifferent but you can certainly think of indifference as a goal you want to reach. PsychologyToday


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